Popular jokes (10066 to 10080)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A man walks into a clock shop ...
A man walks into a clock shop one day and pulls his cock out and slaps it down on the counter.The confused sales woman says to the man that they only fix clocks in the shop.
The man then calmly says 'I know. That's why I want you to put two hands on this'.
Spray Paint
Why are men and spray paint alike?One squeeze and they're all over you.
Submitted by Glaci
EDited by Calamjo
Meditate with me
“Nobody wants to meditate with me! I guess my 'om' is just getting too much resistance.”
“The purpose of the I
“The purpose of the IT Service Department is to be a customer-server.”
“Grandpa, do you mind if I p
“Grandpa, do you mind if I play my new harmonica in here?” asked little Phil.“Of course not, Phil. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life. “What happened?” ask Phil. Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”
“How about you?” “Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”
Forgetful...
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
Off duty....
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"
Illuminating Consequence
A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
The Brita-ish
The Brita-ish love filtered water.Yo mamma is so ugly when she t
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."Non-Conformist
You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, becausehe looks just like every other non-conformist.
---Anon
