Popular jokes (10636 to 10650)

The lucky old man!

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."

The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"

So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

You might be a redneck if 61

You might be a reneck if...

You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your "stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).

Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.

The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)

Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".

You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

You don't know what a redneck is.

You're still upset that they canceled "The Dukes of Hazzard".

You thought ER was ET's cousin.

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

One sunny day in Ireland, two

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says, "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him."
So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!"
The second man turns around and says, "Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Where you from?"
"I'm from Dublin," came the reply.
"Me too! What street do you live on?"
"McCarthy street."
The second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?"
"162," the first man replies.
"Me too! What are your parents names?"
"Connor and Shannon."
The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"
So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks, "What's new today?"
"Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk again though."

A couple of blonde men in a pi...

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."