Popular jokes (10936 to 10950)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Okay, so a Texas rancher comes...
Okay, so a Texas rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine.The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?"
Mainer: "Bout 10 acres I'd say."
Texan (boasting): "Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!"
Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too."
“Although the maestro
“Although the maestro broke his wand at a farmer's market recital, he still conducted with a plum.”
Setting a meeting with a cepha
Setting a meeting with a cephalopod requires some squid iCal thinking.A Christian Puppy
A Baptist couple decide that they want to get a dog. As they are walking down the street in town, they notice that a sign in the pet shop is advertising "Christian Puppies." Their interest piqued, they go inside."How do you know they're Christian puppies?"
"Watch," says the owner, as he takes one of the dogs and says, "Fetch the Bible." The dog runs over to the desk, and grabs the Bible in its mouth and returns. Putting the Bible on the floor, the owner says, "Find Psalm 23." The dog flips pages with its paw until he reaches the right page, and then stops. Amazed and delighted, the couple purchase the dog and head home.
That evening, they invite some friends over and show them the dog, having him run through his Psalm 23 routine. Impressed, one of the visitors asks "Does he also know 'regular' commands?"
"Gee, we don't know. We didn't ask," replies the husband.
Turning to the dog, he says, "Sit." The dog sits. He says, "Lie down." The dog lies down. He says "Roll over." The dog rolls over.
He says "Heel." The dog runs over to him, jumps up on the sofa, puts both paws on the owner's forehead and bows his head.
"Oh look!" the wife exclaims. "He's PENTECOSTAL!"
“The water department
“The water department staff said they would be fluid in answering all mystifying questions asked at a recent meeting.”
Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked t...
Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked the teacher.I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn’t get better marks, someone was going to get a licking.
My sister is marrying an organ thief. She says she wants a man after her own heart, someone who can de-liver her from her troubles, and who'll take care of her two little kidneys after she's gone. #joke #short
Closeted
Greg Giraldo on Jon Lovitz: "There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank."Why did Britney's suicid
Why did Britney's suicide attempt fail?Running red lights...
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
I bought a new watch, because
I bought a new watch, because tock is cheap.Texting for Seniors
IMPORTANT – in today’s social media driven world, those of us over 60 need to learn the new CTSFOF’s “Common Text Symbols for Old Farts) Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).Dirty taste...
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia.Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him.
The startled front tiger turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again.
The front tiger turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued.
Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue.
The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?"
The rear tiger replied, "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
A Crazy Person in the Woods
Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?A: They take the psycho path.
