Popular jokes (10936 to 10950)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Wasn't there an oil rigg...
Wasn't there an oil rigger in that group, the Spillage People?Signs of Irony...
Maternity Clothes Shop:We Are Open On Labor Day
Non-smoking area:
If We See You Smoking, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action
On Maternity Room Door:
Push,Push,Push
Optometrist's Office:
If You Don't See What You're Looking For,You've Come To The Right Place
Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window:
We Really Know Our Stuff
Podiatrist's Window:
Time Wounds All Heels
Butcher's Window:
Let Me Meat Your Needs
Car Dealership:
The Best Way To Get Back On Your Feet - Miss a Car Payment
Muffler Shop:
No Appointment Necessary. We'll Hear You Coming
Hotel:
Help! We Need Inn - Experienced People
Veterinarian's Waiting Room:
Be Back In 5 Minutes. Sit! Stay!
Music Teacher's Door:
Out Chopin
At the Electric Company:
We Would Be Delighted If You Send In Your Bill. However, If You Don't, You Will Be.
Garbage Truck:
We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got
Computer Store:
Out For a Quick Byte
Restaurant Window:
Don't Stand There and Be Hungry, Come In And Get Fed Up
Bowling Alley:
Please Be Quiet. We Need To Hear A Pin Drop.
Music Library:
Bach In A Minuet
Village doctor and a snowstorm
Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.
When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"
Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."
Things to do in an elevator...
When people get on, ask for their tickets.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, 'Hi Mike. How's your day been?'
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, say 'that's mine!'
Push your floor button with your nose.
Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
Ride naked.
Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.
Please, always be alert and wa
Please, always be alert and watch out for the people around you.Yesterday, when I was on a sidewalk making my way home, a man came to me and drew scissors.
I was panicked so I immediately responded with a rock.
Imagine if I was not alert, I might have accidentally answered with paper and lost the game.
"How's your business doing?" "...
"How's your business doing?" "Well, I'm looking for a new receptionist." "But you only hired one last week!" "Yes, that's the one I'm looking for."Saint Peter (Pun)
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."
Show-and-Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."
A woman goes into a sporting g...
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle."It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
