Popular jokes (10921 to 10935)

A motorist was driving quietly...

A motorist was driving quietly along the road when, suddenly, his eyes goggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chook running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, heading up a side track towards a nearby farm house. Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.
The motorist said, “You probably won’t believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way.”
The farmer was nonchalant in response. “Yep, we breed them here.”
“But why?” asked the motorist.
“Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg.”
“And what do they taste like?”
“Dunno”, replied the farmer, “no one can catch the little b

Who sets our nutrition policie...

Who sets our nutrition policies? Is it the feds?

Too Much Time at the

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the grocery? Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morning Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife : What about my new TV? Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters ...

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are useless. Husband : It's by Default.

Wife : What about your Salary? Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife : What is my value in the family. Husband : Unknown Virus

Final arrangements...

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She wrote her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindgales.

"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi said. "Why Bloomingdales?"

"That way, I know my daughters will visit me at least twice a week."

In France do the birds take it

In France do the birds take it up the oiseaux?

A man at the airline counter t...

A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London.
The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.”
The man replied: "Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you."

The man with pickle breath liv...

The man with pickle breath lived in a very dill adapted house, near Ogorki Park. He grew pink cornichons in his garden.

“How did the Dermatol

“How did the Dermatologist and the Dentist afford their new mansion? By the skin of their teeth.”

Short funny jokes-Check ride

To pass a law, the Queen must

To pass a law, the Queen must fart. Only then will it have royal ass scent.

Q: Why did Adele cross the roa

Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

 You Might Be A Redneck If 06

You might be a redneck if...
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

So I was having lunch with Bob

So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer, the former world chess champion, and the table had a checkered tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass the salt!

In primitive society, when nat

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground withclubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilizedsociety, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight andnot too often.
There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons,practice constantly -- or start cheating.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice -once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannotcount, criticize or laugh.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are thosein front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, playeighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words weretaken.

Irish Confessional

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're in my side."