Popular jokes (10921 to 10935)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Getting Airsick
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, mean-looking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy sits there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy: "are you feeling better now?"
Bee Jokes 04
Q: Why do bees buzz?
A: Because they can't whistle!
Q: Can bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their little yellow jackets!
Q: Why did the bee started talking poetry?
A: He was waxing lyrical!
Q: What goes zzub, zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards!
Q: What are the cleverest bees?
A: Spelling bees!
Q: What bee is good for your health?
A: Vitamin bee!
Q: What's a bees favorite novel?
A: The Great Gats-bee!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
A: A hum dinger!
Q: How many bees do you need in a bee choir?
A: A humdred!
An old woman walks into a butc
An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its ass, pulls it out, smells it, and says, "You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies, "Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his butt cheeks and says, "I don't know, why don't you tell me."Money Under The Pillow
"I wonder why old man Smith puts all his savings under his pillow every night?"
"Maybe he wants people to know that he has enough money to retire on?"
The Darn Bug
Boy: "This darn bug is bothering the heck out of me! Where’s that can of spray insecticide... Oh, here it is. GOTCHA! Oh wow, I never knew bugs had so much blood in them."
Girl: "You idiot, you used the can of red spray paint!"
Jealous Revenge
A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."
Another wife?
At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.
"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'
"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"
One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?"
Good advice...
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"
Fresh out of business school,
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself."I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Scientology on Demand: aka
Scientology on Demand: aka Dianetflix. It's a streaming of consciousness.A Bad Gift for a Buddhist
Q: Why is a vacuum cleaner a bad gift for a Buddhist?
A: Because it comes with attachments.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?He sold his soul to Santa.
Choose A Punishment
A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said, "What will you take....30 days or $30."
The man replied, "I think I'll take the money."
