Popular jokes (10921 to 10935)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Office Hours
When I became a licensed chiropractor, I moved back to my hometown and soon had a thriving practice. One morning I saw a new patient whom I recognized as my old high school principal.
"Gee," I said nervously, "I’m a little surprised to see you here."
"Why?" he replied. "You certainly spent a great deal of time in my office."
A Collection Of Insults
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.Operating in stand-by mode.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out there where the buses don't run.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Overruns above 110 baud.
Paged/swapped out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect chassis, bad driver.
Perfect face for Halloween.
Missing Palm Sunday
On Palm Sunday, a five-year-old boy had a sore throat and stayed home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked them what they were.“People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father told him.“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go and Jesus shows up.”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.The juggler....
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Malingerer: a...
Malingerer: a kid who hangs out in shopping centers.How much for the cow?
Once there was a man who was in love with a beautiful woman and he wanted to marry her. The woman told him that befor they could get married he would have to ask her father, who was a farmer. So the next day the man went to the farmer and said, "Sir I love your daughter very much and I would like to ask for her hand in marriage." The farmer sat there and looked at him for a moment and said, "I will let you marry her, but first you must compleat a test." Willing to do anything to be able to marry the girl the man aggred. The farmer said, "first you must jump the fence, swim the river and screw the cow in the barn." The man thought that it sounded easy enough so he did it. When he got finished he asked the farmer, "Ok now can I marry your daughter?" The farmer couldn't belive that the man had acutally done those things and thinking it was funny he told the man to do it again! So the man jumped the fence, swam the river, and screwed the cow, again! When he was finished the man went back to the farmer and asked "Now may I marry your daughter?" By this time the farmer was amazed that the man did all that a second time, and wondered if he would do it a third, so the farmer said, "Ok if you do all that one more time I will let you marry my daughter." So the man did it again. He jumped the fence, swam, the river, and scrwed the cow. When he came back to the farmer this time, the farmer said, "Ok now you can marry my daughter." The man said, "To hell with you daughter how much do you want for the cow?"Steve, ...
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working one day on a very high scaffolding when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realise that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife.Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.
"So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.
"Yep", replied Bob.
"Say, where did you get the six-pack?"
Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me!"
"What??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she gave you
a six-pack??"
"Sure," Bob says.
"Why?" asks Jeff.
"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you
Steve's widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a
widow!'
So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"
Knock Knock Collection 179
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toothy!
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Torch!
Torch who?
Torch you'd never ask!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toronto!
Toronto who?
Toronto be a law against Knock Knock
jokes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toucan!
Toucan who?
Toucan play at this game!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Toyota!
Toyota who?
Toyata be a law against such awful jokes!
“The outrageous color
“The outrageous colors of our game day uniforms were so mismatched they were dubbed 'clash action suits'.”
A woman walked up to the manag
A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. "Are you looking to hire any help?" she asked."No," he replied. "We already have all the employees we need."
"Great, then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?" she snapped.
What do u call a seagull flyin
What do u call a seagull flying over the bay?A bagel.Two drunks went into a bar and
Two drunks went into a bar and had a few beers. One got up and went into the bathroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender.All of a sudden there was a loud scream coming from the bathroom. The drunk at the bar said to the bartender that it sounded like his partner screaming, so he went into the toilet to investigate.
He went inside and asked his friend what the problem was. His friend said that every time he flushed the toilet something reached up and hit him on the bottom.
His friend shook his head and said, "You soft beggar, you're sitting on the mop bucket."
Ham sandwich with mustard...
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife who suddenly appeared at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich, when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was NOT mustard!
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"
