Popular jokes (10906 to 10920)

Bee Jokes 04

Q: Why do bees buzz?
A: Because they can't whistle!
Q: Can bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their little yellow jackets!

Q: Why did the bee started talking poetry?
A: He was waxing lyrical!

Q: What goes zzub, zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards!

Q: What are the cleverest bees?
A: Spelling bees!

Q: What bee is good for your health?
A: Vitamin bee!

Q: What's a bees favorite novel?
A: The Great Gats-bee!

Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
A: A hum dinger!

Q: How many bees do you need in a bee choir?
A: A humdred!

“A cloud is most like

“A cloud is most likely to snow when it's relaxed. At that time it's pretty chill.”

Just as Skilled
A woman...

Just as Skilled
A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair.
"This is ridiculous!" she said, "charging me five hundred dollars to grind the valves and put in new piston rings."
"Not really, just think about it. You are a surgeon and should know that an automobile engine is just as complicated as a human body. The mechanic who serviced your car is just as skilled as you are."
"Is that so? Well, let me see him grind valves while the engine is running."

What would you like for your birthday....

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"

She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."

"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

How does it work that

My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits into her prom dress from high school.

I gave birth 0 times and I don't fit into my pants from 2 weeks ago?

Money Under The Pillow

"I wonder why old man Smith puts all his savings under his pillow every night?"
"Maybe he wants people to know that he has enough money to retire on?"

Is it true that Middle Eastern...

Is it true that Middle Eastern tyrants Arab-dictating power?

Which primitive arthropods wou

Which primitive arthropods would occasionally eat little people? A: Tri low bites.

A farmer walks into his bedroo...

A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a lamb under his arm. He walks over to his wife who's laying in bed. "See!" he yells, "This is the pig I have to have sex with whenever you get one of your headaches!" The wife says, "You know that's a lamb under your arm, don't you?" The farmer says, "I wasn't talking to you."

I borrowed your dog, didn̵

I borrowed your dog, didn't return it, and now you're acting all petulant?

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The ci

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for trying to inject some humor in the city income tax filing instructions.
The forms - with such lines as, "If we can tax it, we will," - were sent last week to all Middletown businesses and residents who pay city income tax.
The attempt at humor by Linda Stubbs was called "misguided" by city Finance Director John Lyons.
Lyons said revised forms were sent out immediately at a cost to taxpayers of about $5,500.
Among the lines that city officials didn't think were very funny was this one:
"Free advice: if you don't have a profit in a five-year period, you might want to consider another line of work."
Middletown is about 25 miles northeast of Cincinnati.

 You Might Be A Redneck If 16

You might be a redneck if...
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You've never paid for a haircut.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

Scientology on Demand: aka

Scientology on Demand: aka Dianetflix. It's a streaming of consciousness.

Why We Vote In November

Old man walks up and says, "For sixty years I've been trying to figure out why we vote in November. Finally found the answer this year."
"Why's that?"
"Better selection of turkeys!"

A young boy, about eight years

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle."