Popular jokes (10906 to 10920)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A Crazy Person in the Woods
Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?A: They take the psycho path.
#joke #short
To pass a law, the Queen must
To pass a law, the Queen must fart. Only then will it have royal ass scent.#joke #short
Bad Relationships
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
#joke
“Caesar thought it wo
“Caesar thought it would be smart to walk through the forum one evening. Beware the ideas of March.”
#joke #short
Mr. Johnson had been retired f
Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 yearssuggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and makewild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and agreed.He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottleof seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said,"I've been thinking. There's no reason we can't go for a month." So Mr.Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasickpills and a box of condoms. When he returned, his wife said, "You know,since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising theworld?"
So back to the pharmacy Mr. Johnson went, and he brought 297 bottles ofseasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. Thepharmacist finally had to ask.
"You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over 30years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, whythe hell do you do it?"
#joke
Photo Trap
A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
#joke #policeman
The Cesium Song 13
Cesium's Strange
(Tune, People are strange - The Doors)
Cesium's strange,
when you're a stranger
Consummate danger,
ready to blow.
Water is wicked,
wet and unwanted,
Folks are unfriendly,
when you glow.
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
Don't you remember the pain?
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane ---
Cesium's strange,
pregnant with danger,
Hand the next stranger
a kilo or two.
Pour on the water,
lamb at the slaughter,
Bathe in the light
that is blue, sky-blue!
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You'll always remember the pain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane ---
--- Songs of Cesium #13
#joke #animal #lamb
Jesus can walk on water, but C...
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Deja moo
The unabashed dictionary defines 'deja moo' as the feeling you get when you've heard the same bullshit before.Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
#joke #short
A female TV reporter from RTE ...
A female TV reporter from RTE went to interview Seamus Feeney, a farmer from Galway, about Mad Cow disease.Herself: Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reasons behind Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?
Seamus stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that the bull rides that cow once a year?
The Lady (getting embarrassed): "Well sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease"?
Seamus: Well now Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day?
The Lady: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?
The Farmer: I'm getting to the point Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits four times a day and only riding you once a year, wouldn't you get mad yourself?
Short funny jokes-Handsome face
After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man, Kate, 25 years of age, wanted to lighten the mood and said, "Well, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one."
#joke #short
An old man lived alone in New ...
An old man lived alone in New Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament...
"Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili garden this year. I just getting too old to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me. Siempre, tu poppy "
A few days later he received a letter from his son...
"Dear Poppy, Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Francisco"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son...
"Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the chili now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Francisco"
#joke #policeman #animal #bat
