Animal jokes (2656 to 2670)Jokes about animals. These are the jokes listed 2656 to 2670. |
Language
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away."See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
The Yiddish Parrot
Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home one day. He was wishing something wonderful would happen to his life when he passed a pet store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish: "Quawwwwk...vus macht du...!"Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it! Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said: "Vus? Kenst reddin Yiddish?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer purchased the bird and carried the parrot home. All night long he talked with the parrot...in Yiddish. The parrot listened while sharing some walnuts.
The next morning, Meyer began saying his prayers. The parrot wanted to pray, too. Meyer hand made a miniature yamulke for the parrot. The parrot also wanted to read Hebrew, so Meyer spent months teaching him the Torah.
On Rosh Hashanah, Meyer rose, got dressed, and was about to leave when the parrot demanded to go with him. Meyer explained that a synagogue was not a place for a bird, but the parrot pleaded and was carried to the synagogue on Meyer's shoulder.
Meyer was questioned by everyone, including the rabbi. At first, the rabbi refused to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy Days, but Meyer convinced him that the parrot could pray. Wagers were made on whether the parrot could speak Yiddish or not.
All eyes were on the two of them during services. The parrot was still perched on Meyer's shoulder as one prayer and song passed...but the parrot didn’t say a word. Annoyed, Meyer said "Pray, parrot! You can pray...do it now while everybody's looking at you!" The parrot said nothing.
After services were over, Meyer realized he owed the synagogue over four thousand dollars. He marched home, saying nothing. Finally, several blocks from the temple, the bird began to sing an old Yiddish song.
Meyer stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird...you cost me over four thousand dollars today. Why? After I taught you the morning prayers, taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And, after you begged me to bring you to a synagogue on Rosh Hashanah...Why did you do this to me?"
"Don't be an idiot," the parrot replied. "Think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur!"
White priest goes and lives with an African tribe...
White priest goes and lives with an African tribe
He spends his days teaching the way of the lord. After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further....
"ok chief. See that flock of sheep?"
"Mmm yes".
"See they are all white, but that one black one?"
"Mmm yes".
"Does that help you to understand?"
"Mmm yes. I no say nothing about baby, you no say nothing about sheep."
>A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up
A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"
The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink. The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the crocodile asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too stoned and fell in while taking a drink. The crocodile has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala.
When they get back to the tree, the crocodile looks up at the koala and says "Hey, you."
The koala looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
Paddy met Sean on the street o
Paddy met Sean on the street one day and said, "Sean have I got a bargain for you! An elephant! A whole living elephant in very good health, for just one hundred pounds."Sean said, "Are you crazy? What do I want with an elephant?"
"It's a beautiful elephant," continues Paddy, "all grey, ten feet tall, complete with a trunk."
"You have to be kidding.... I have nothing to feed it," cried Sean.
"I live in a three-room apartment. I have no place to put it."
But Paddy went on: "Two beautiful tusks, each two feet long. It is a magnificent beast...and toilet trained. They don't make them like that anymore."
"Paddy," said Sean, almost screaming, "I have a three-room walk-up apartment on the fifth floor. Where the heck will I keep an elephant?"
"You are a hard man, Sean" said Paddy. "I will tell you what, I will throw in a second whole elephant, its mate, for only £50 extra."
Sean smiled and said, "Ah!! Now you're talking!"
Playing Golf with God
Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."
Scary Collection 16
A Halloween joke
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties?
Because there is lots of school spirit!
A demon joke
What do foreign devils speak?
Devil Dutch!
A ghost joke
What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
Surgical spirits!
A skeleton joke
What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks?
They had a rattling good time!
A skeleton joke
What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell?
A dead ringer!
A werewolf joke
What happened when the wolf fell in the washing machine?
He became a wash and werewolf!
A witch joke
What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller?
Broom sick!
Police Dog
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."
Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.
"Also," says the director, "You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."
This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.
"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."
With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
“After Thanksgiving d
“After Thanksgiving dinner, I was as stuffed as a turkey!”
