Animal jokes (421 to 435)

Wandering Dog

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Pilots often fly into birds. T

Pilots often fly into birds. That's why they're avi-haters.

When a dog is choking, other d

When a dog is choking, other dogs will frantically sniff its butt in an attempt to save it. This is known as the hind-lick manoeuver.

Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."   

I used to fish in the nude, un

I used to fish in the nude, until I was cod with my pants down.

Farm Work is Fard

Little Johnny: “Having a farm is really hard work.”
Billy: “It’s an ant farm Johnny, all you have to do is supervise.”

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to t

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
"Ooh," said the presenter. "This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks," said Paddy.

When the dwarf stopped the cat

When the dwarf stopped the cattle stampede in its tracks, everyone called it a miracle. “He's done the imp-pause-a-bull,” they said.

Zoo Keeper: "I've lost one of

Zoo Keeper: "I've lost one of my elephants."
Other Zoo Keeper: "Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper: "Don't be silly, he can't read!"

My Dog

I threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a Tuxedo.

The Cat Phenomenon

When single ladies near the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats...
This phenomenon is known as many-paws.

Andrew from Dugald:
African pasta? Serenghetti.
and
Once a year, all the lions get together and go to a salon. They get their manes brushed and their claws sharpened… but always in that order – and they're always pleased with the results. Pride combeth before a file, they say!

#joke #short #animal #lion

"Rebbe, in my apartment beside

"Rebbe, in my apartment besides me and my wife, there are also my children and my mother-in-law and I don't have enough room! What should I do?"
Rebbe: "Bring a goat in the house. Let him live with you."
The guy: "But Rebbe, there is no place for me!"
Rebbe: "Bring a goat in the house, I tell you!"
In a month the guy comes again... "Rebbe, it became much worse, there is no place. With the goat in the apartment there is no place to move."
Rebbe: "Now get rid of the goat!"
On the next day, guy comes to Rebbe full with happiness: "Thank you, thank you Rebbe. It is so good now, so much space!"

Dressed Up Fish

My friend is making an absolute fortune by selling pictures of salmon dressed up in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Hear the terrible pun about th

Hear the terrible pun about the insect who yelled at an egg? Just pure egg scream ant.