Animal jokes (451 to 465)

Most common pig injury? ron

Most common pig injury? Sprained oinkle.

Buying A Gold Fish

A not so bright young lady in the pet shop ask about buying a gold fish.
The salesperson ask if she needed an aquarium.
Her reply was, "I don't care what sign it is."

Adopted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

Once upon a time there was thi

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable.
Suddenly the hunters look up and they both fire their double barrel shotguns at him.
When the hang glider was out of sight one of the hunters turns to the other and says, "What kinda bird you reckon that was?"
The other hunter replies, "I don't rightly know, but I think we hit it."
"How's that?"
"You saw how fast he dropped that man he was caring, didn't ya?"

Which animals have a sense of

Which animals have a sense of déjà vu? Herbivores.

Sticky Hair?

Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump.

Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?"

So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

You Pick A Phrase, You Pick A Rhyme

You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme...
Repeat the sound another time...
Five lambs and then an extra beat will do ya...
Another rhyme, a rising note, congratulations, you just wrote, another stupid verse to Hallelujah!

NED: I refuse to write poetry

NED: I refuse to write poetry about pigs' knees.
ED: Why's that?
NED: It's against my religion. I don't do pigs' knees. Is that controversial?
ED: Well, you sure have a hardline stanza on a boar shin!

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had bee

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."

The animals that most enjoy ha

The animals that most enjoy having no clothes are the amphibians. They like being newt.

What I Love About Baseball

Do you know what I love most about baseball?
The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt...
And that's just in the hot dogs!

What did the deer say to the s

What did the deer say to the sheep? “I'm very faun of ewe.“

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."  

#joke #short #animal #koala #drinks #tea

Was the

Was the ranch hand who rode a mechanical bull playing cowboys and engines?