Animal jokes (5626 to 5640)Jokes about animals. These are the jokes listed 5626 to 5640. |
Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down.Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn.
After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig!!!
Deep Thoughts 04
One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.
It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to learn.
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
Scary Collection 27
A vampire joke
Why did the vampire go to hospital?
He wanted his ghoulstones removed!
A ghost joke
Where do ghosts live?
In a terrortory!
A ghost joke
What is a ghost proof cycle?
One with no spooks in it!
A ghost joke
What do you call a ghost who stays out all night?
A fresh air freak!
A skeleton joke
What happened to the skeleton who was swallowed by a big fish?
He had a whale of a time!
A ghost joke
What do young ghouls write their homework in?
Exorcise books!
A ghost joke
What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over!
#joke #animal #whale #fish
Celebrating An Event
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
A man goes into a bar with his...
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!
A blind man was out walking wi...
A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"
"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."
Two parrots sitting on a Perch...
Two parrots sitting on a Perch when one says to the other – can you smell fish?A little old lady answered a k...
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning", said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" And she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
#joke #animal #horse
