Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (151 to 165)

From The Blonde Files

After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions, Blonde John and his wife, Blonde Mary, decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small candy stand, paying thirty cents for each box of candy and then selling it for thirty cents.
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of candy – yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
“You see?” John snarled at his wife. “I told you we should have bought a larger stand!”

 Buying A New Farm

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."

Married 25 years, I took a loo...

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

Jim was annoyed when his blond

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed intoher, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number."What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and forthe next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each carthey passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expressionon her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"

A blonde arrived for her first...

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.
The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said, "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis."
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said, "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."

 Question And Answer Blond Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

A blonde and a brunette are ou...

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

From The Blonde Files – Short Flight Time –

A Blonde lady called the airline booking agent to ask how long a flight was from Los Angeles to New York?
The busy agent replied, 'Just a moment.'
The Blonde replied, 'Thank you,' and then hung up.

A virile, middle aged Italian

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

"How come you're late?" asks

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness, I took that first aid course -- all my training came back to me in a flash."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

 Question And Answer Blond Jokes

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "What's a lightbulb?"
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: How do you get rid of blondes?
A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
bill. Who picks it up?
A: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

A blond at a party was telling

A blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life.
"They lie, they cheat and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator."
"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."

Precise Measurement – From the Guys Blonde Files

Two blonde engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,' said one, 'but we don't have a ladder.'
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, 'Twenty one feet, six inches,' and walked away.
One blonde engineer shook his head and laughed, 'A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On a plane bound for New York

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to the coach section since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so."
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
The pilot replied, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

A blonde was at home watching...

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay - I got the licence plate number!"