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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (271 to 285)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 271 to 285. |
What type of prize did you win?
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!"
The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!"
By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes."
Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!"
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."
A blonde goes to her doctor an
A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."Dumb Blonde Comp.
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
A blonde is on board a small t
A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"Ground control receive her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front!"
Did you hear about the blond?
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a n*dist camp for a game of strip poker?
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Space mission
NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.
While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig#1, do you know your mission?"
The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."
Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"
The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth, land shuttle. Oink oink."
Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"
The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs, and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo
Blondes Change A Lightbulb
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
A blonde travels to Canada to
A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job."Now, I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her.
The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best. She came back drenched in sweat.
"Geez lady, how many trees did you cut down?" asked the foreman.
"6," she replied.
"What!? You have to do better than that. Get up earlier tomorrow!"
So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.
"How many this time?" asked the foreman.
"12," she said.
The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tomorrow morning!"
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly." He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM.
He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically, so he asks her what's wrong.
And she replies, "What the heck is that noise?"
Want me to paint for you?
A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.
Blonde Jokes
what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?you pull the pin and throw it back
how does a blonde kill a fish?
she drowns it
how does a blonde kill a worm?
she burys it
how does a blonde kill a bird?
she throws it of a cliff
how do you kill a blonde?
you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool/you put a condom on top of a flag pole
Blonde in hayfield
A Blonde was driving down the road, and spotted another
blonde in the middle of a hayfield rowing a boat. She stopped
the car, got out and went to the shoulder of the road, and
yelled, "You know, it's blondes like you that give blondes a
bad name!, and if I could swim I would come out there and
kick your ass!"
