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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (436 to 450)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 436 to 450. |
I pulled into the crowded park
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at theSuper Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolleddown the car windows to make sure myLabrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.She was stretched full-out on the back seatand I wanted to impress upon her that she mustremain there. I walked to the curb backward,pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
Blonde quickies 2
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Soda Machine
One day a blonde went up to a soda machine, put in some money, and a soda came out. She got really excited and started to put more money into the machine. The more and more she did it, the more the soda came out.
After a while someone walked up to her and asked if they could please get a soda.
The blonde looked at them angrily and said: "Get out of my face, I'm winning!"
Thanksgiving Call
November 26, 2014
Old Age At Its Best
Contributed by Glen Tilley
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it, and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and lo and behold, there sat Russ.!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him, and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you.?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for.?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop, where I sometimes go.?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her.?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
Thanksgiving Call
November 26, 2014
Old Age At Its Best
Contributed by Glen Tilley
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it, and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and lo and behold, there sat Russ.!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him, and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you.?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for.?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop, where I sometimes go.?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her.?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
How To Get Across The River
A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.
She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across.
After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her--across the bridge.
Blonde Thanksgiving
It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family, so she prepared a dinner by herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
"Mom, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" the blonde said.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde replied. "It wouldn't sit still!"
Old Age At Its Best
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss world problems.One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it, and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and lo and behold, there sat Russ.!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him, and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you.?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for.?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop, where I sometimes go.?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her.?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
Suicide Blond
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
One day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to her husband, 'Shut up... you're next.'
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up atthe Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At
the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her
you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
Lumber
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The blonde paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After awhile, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Going to Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
New Mercedes
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
