Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (46 to 60)

A blonde and milk baths

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left anote for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. Hethought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door toclarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,"I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill mybathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young andbeautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

The Sheriff in a small town wa

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboycoming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots,so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking aroundlike this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down theroad and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home withher. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull offmy shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off mypants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off myshorts ...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go totown cowboy... '.
"And here I am."

BMW died

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A blonde has sharp pains in he

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

It was very crowded and noise

It was very crowded and noise in this Restaurant and this blond girl asks the waiter where the restroom was.
He says: "I can't hear you!"
So she gets close to his ear and asks again: "Can you please tell me where the ladies room is?"
And he replies: "On the other side!"
So she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks: "Can you please tell me where the ladies room is, please!"

A blonde was walking her dogs

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says, "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?"
The blonde replies, "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."
The man responds, "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you name them such names?"
The blonde sighs and shakes her head, "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?"

A blonde and her husband are l

A blonde and her husband are lying in bedlistening to the next door neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyardbarking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps out of bedand says 'I've had enough of this,'and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bedand her husband says'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard,let's see how THEY like it!'

A trucker came into a truck st...

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

A blonde walks into the police...

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Amy, a blonde city girl, marri...

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one. This one right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away.

A blonde walks into a doctor...

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"
"No, I drove here."

 There Is A Blond On The Plane

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

Returning home from work, a bl...

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

A blonde dies and arrives at t

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St.Peter. "Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99%capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven.Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"Here's your question: name two days of the weekthat begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you anotherquestion. How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?"
"January second, February second, March second--"
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more chance.What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Howard!"
"Howard?"
"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."

A blind guy on a bar stool sho

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."