Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1021 to 1035)

A police officer arrives at an...

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that one is still breathing.

He approaches her and asks: "why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"

The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings"...

Pregnant

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, "What the heck," and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

Blonde Car Crash

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff

asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I

looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I

saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was

another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I

don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even

resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air

freshener."

Blonde Radio

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

A brunette goes to the doctor,...

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

Brain For Sale

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.

The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs $50,000."

The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"

The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."

Blonde Paints a Porch

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
How about $50?
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
Youre finished already? he asked.
Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
And by the way, the blonde added, thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

A blonde, brunette and redhead...

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."
The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."
Then the blonde says I brought a car door." The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?" Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot."

A painting contractor was spea...

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

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Home > Funny Stuff > Blonde Jokes > 911 Call

Rated: 7.34/10 | Votes: 169 | Views: 93,917 |Submitted: 7.14.05
There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.

She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.

In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"

The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"

The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"

Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"

The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"

Sleep Troubles

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

What did the blondes

What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? Nothing, they haven't met!

Three blond men are out fishin...

Three blond men are out fishing one afternoon talking about this and that when one of the men says, "You know, my wife did the strangest thing the other day. She came home with 100 lbs of meat. I only say this is strange because we're vegetarians and don't eat meat."

One of the other men says, "You think that's weird. My wife came home with 100 lbs of dog food the other day. I don't know what she was thinking. We don't even own a dog and I'm allergic to dogs."

The third blond man says, "Well, you think that's weird. I've got both of you beat. My wife recently won a cruise and she's going with some female friends. So, she was out shopping the other day getting ready for this cruise and she came home with 100 condoms. She doesn't even have a penis!"

I Deserve A First Class Seat

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

Blonde painting

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.