Cat jokes (31 to 45)

Cat was making a joke

A dog thought a cat was making a joke

but he was just kitten!

Dead Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."  

The detective fingered the cat

The detective fingered the cattle rustler, figuring he had probable cows.

Animal behaviour? Cat calls ar

Animal behaviour? Cat calls are a mew sing.

There are lots of ways to ruin

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
"I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
"I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."
"I used to come here all the time with my ex."
"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
"And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."
"I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."
"It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."
"I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

I lost my dyslexic cat at r

I lost my dyslexic cat at Lake Kitty Ta Ta.

A woman goes away on vacation

A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead.
The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, "You can't tell a person bad news like that. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be ok. The third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day the brother calls the woman up and says, "I have news."
"What?"
"Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."

The Truth About Pets

What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?
A cat.

Cats

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

Cat Scan

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.

"Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

My cat is so happy that I inve

My cat is so happy that I invested in stocks on his behalf. And believe me, the feline is mutual!

Animal City

What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat & 2/4 goat?
Chicago.

Cat Name

After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too.
"Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner.
"No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

Judi was bored with driving he

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?

Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"

When the dwarf stopped the cat

When the dwarf stopped the cattle stampede in its tracks, everyone called it a miracle. “He's done the imp-pause-a-bull,” they said.