Christmas jokes - jokes about christmas day (226 to 240)

Poor Boy's Christmas

Q: What does a poor boy get for Christmas?

A: Your bike.

Why is Christmas just like a d

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

A husband got his mother-in-la

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"

Three men all die on Christmas

Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hell, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."

Christmas Time

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

"Very nice Patrick," she said.

"Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

"Very nice Jimmy," she said.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office.  We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory.  When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...And begin to sing: "What A Friend We Have in Jesus".  Then we all go to the Bahamas ."

A little boy wants a bike for

A little boy wants a bike for Christmas really badly, but the kid is a real bad seed, and he knows it. He writes a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, if I get a bike for Christmas, I'll be good for a whole week." He thinks about it, crosses out what he wrote, and says, "I can't be good for a whole week, I'll be good for five days." He crosses that out and writes, "I'll be good for four days." Then he thinks again and says, "Can't do that." He gets down to one day and says, "I can't even be good for a day." Then in frustration, goes in his mother's room and get the statue of the Virgin Mary, wraps it up in a blanket, puts it in a paper bag, throws it in the closet and says, "Dear Jesus, if I don't get a bike for Christmas, you'll never see your mother again!"

Christmas QA Jokes

Q. What do Santa’s elves learn in school?

A. The Elfabet.

Q. What does Santa like to do in the garden?

A. Hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q: What do Santa’s elves drive?

A: Minivans.

Q: What do Santa’s elves drink?

A: Minnesoda.

Q: What is Claustrophobia?

A: The fear of Santa Claus.

Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

A: Snowflakes.

Yo momma is so stupid when I t

Yo momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Woman and Santa

A woman had never seen Santa Claus before, but on Christmas Eve night she heard someone come down her chimney so she went downstairs to check it out. ''Oh, it's Santa Claus," she said, "Please stay and chat this is the first time I have met you." Santa replied, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady took off her robe, but Santa said, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady slipped off her nightgown and Santa told her, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" Then the lady removed her panties, and Santa said, ''Hey hey hey, I need to stay. I need to stay, 'cause I can't go up the chimney with my di*k this way!"

Christmas tree and an iPad

Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A: A pineapple.