Dog jokes (121 to 135)Jokes about dogs. These are the jokes listed 121 to 135. |
1. Do not walk behind me, for
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
A blonde was walking her dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says, "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?"The blonde replies, "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."
The man responds, "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you name them such names?"
The blonde sighs and shakes her head, "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?"
A blonde and her husband are l
A blonde and her husband are lying in bedlistening to the next door neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyardbarking for hours and hours.The blonde jumps out of bedand says 'I've had enough of this,'and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bedand her husband says'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard,let's see how THEY like it!'
"Well, butter my butt and call
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.""It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
"Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
"He's as country as corn flakes."
"This is gooder'n grits."
"Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone tohelp me enjoy it."
Lightbulb Joke Collection 89
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
Returning home from work, a bl...
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Dog Jokes 02
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?
A: A jet setter!
Q: What do dogs have that no other animal has?
A: Puppy dogs!
Q: Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
A: Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!
Q: Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
A: In the mush room!
Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because frost bites!
Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!
Q: What do you call an alcoholic dog?
A: A whino!
Q: What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
A: Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!
Q: When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
A: When the door is open!
Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!
