Dog jokes (121 to 135)Jokes about dogs. These are the jokes listed 121 to 135. |
"Well, butter my butt and call
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.""It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
"Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
"He's as country as corn flakes."
"This is gooder'n grits."
"Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone tohelp me enjoy it."
Lightbulb Joke Collection 89
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!
Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
Returning home from work, a bl...
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Dog Jokes 02
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?
A: A jet setter!
Q: What do dogs have that no other animal has?
A: Puppy dogs!
Q: Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
A: Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!
Q: Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
A: In the mush room!
Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because frost bites!
Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!
Q: What do you call an alcoholic dog?
A: A whino!
Q: What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
A: Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!
Q: When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
A: When the door is open!
Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!
Home Burglar Survey
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993
A survey of home burglars' work preferences published in Whittle Communications' Special Report magazine revealed that 32 percent like to browse through family photographs while on the job, 27 percent like to raid the refrigerator, and 7 percent watch TV.
Seventy percent of the 191 imprisoned burglars reported they like to limit their jobs to a 20-minute maximum, 17 percent wondered what their victims were like, and 59 percent said a dog in the home was the most effective burglary deterrent.
You Might Be A Redneck If 51
You might be a redneck if...
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
