Father jokes (1141 to 1155)Jokes about fathers. These are the jokes listed 1141 to 1155. |
A couple of jokes about marriage...
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Husband wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
Why Do You Wear Your Collar That Way?
An old Jewish man was once on the subway and he sat downnext to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a
strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest
before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have
your shirt collar on
backwards?"
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered "I
wear this collar because I am a Father."
The Jewish man thought a second and responded "Sir I am also
a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear
your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute and said "Sir, I am the
father for many."
The Jewish man quickly answered "I too am the father of
many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many
grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone
else does. Why do you wear it your way?"
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and
then blurted out "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and
hundreds of people."
The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long
time. As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over
to the priest and said "Mister, maybe you should wear your
pants backwards."
Saving a Bear
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Wellll," he says, in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle...WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word."
They both look down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Oy! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures."
Caught and Tagged
An old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She spends weeks staring at the cage and, eventually, catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesnt get them mixed up again, she puts a little white collar around the male parrots neck.Later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the fathers collar and says, I see she caught you at it, too.
A young virgin marries a Greek...
A young virgin marries a Greek man, and before the wedding her father tells her that, being Greek, her husband may ask her to turn the other way in bed one day, but that she doesn't have to do it if she doesn't want to.Sure enough, after a couple of months, her husband asks her to turn over, and she says, "No, my father said I don't have to do this."
Her husband says, "Okay, that's fine by me, but I thought you wanted children."
Father Micheal
One Sunday morning, Father Micheal wakes up, looks at the azure sky and thinks to himself, Sod it! Think I will call in a sicky and go and play golf. He calls his Curate and tells him he feels terrible to have to cut out of his Sunday services, but he is really sick.Three nuns were talking. The f...
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines.""What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.
Father Murphy Walks Into a Bar. . .
Father Murphy walks into a bar and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Brien and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Brien said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Brien said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
The almonds....
A priest decides one day to visit one of his elderly parishoners, Mrs. Smith. He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears. "Good day, Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing."
"Oh just fine Father, come on in, and we'll have some tea."
While sitting a the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. "Mind if I have one?" the priest says.
"Not at all, have as many as you like."
After a few hours, the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visting, says to Mrs. Smith, "Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh, but dear me, I have eaten all your alomonds. I'll have to replace them the next time I visit."
Mrs. Smith replied, "Oh don't bother Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it's all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them."
A Rich old man, who inherited ...
A Rich old man, who inherited all his money from his father, one day asks his young wife: "Honey, would you still have married me if my father didn't leave me with all this money?".His wife smiles gently and answers: "Sure honey, you know I would marry you no matter who gave you the money".
One day, a father and son were...
One day, a father and son were walking along the beach when they came across a dead seagull lying on its back.Curiously, the son asked, "Daddy, what's wrong with the bird?"
"There comes a time in your life when you die," said the father.
"Where do you go when you die?" said the son.
"Up to heaven," said the father.
"What happens in heaven?" said the son.
"God invites you into his kingdom," said the father.
"Then, why did God throw this one back?" said the son.
An 8-year-old girl went to her...
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the garage."Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
"Why did you ask that question, honey?"
"Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
