Mother jokes (106 to 120)

Mrs. Jones was reading a lette

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'."

Birthday Wish

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday.
"I'd like a little brother," a boy said.
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."

The Groom's Many Brides

A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless. The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”

You've Given Me A Gift

At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."
Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

Bedtime story

The father is telling his son stories to help him sleep. The only sound is the murmur of dad's voice.
Two hours pass, and there's silence in the room. The mother creeps to the door and whispers, "Is he asleep, dear?"
"Yes, Mommy," says her son.

A little girl was asked what s

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother."
"Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday."
"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry? Put more men on the job."

Speaking to her two daughters,

Speaking to her two daughters, a mother said, "When we get home you need to clean your bedrooms. Your grandmother is coming to visit us tonight and I want the whole house to look tidy."
The younger daughter answered, "We will, Mommy. But isn't that kind of like, lying?"

One day, Little Johnny's teac

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck.
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Mary," miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?"
"How about a lollipop!" said Steven.
"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!" the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!"
The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"
"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Wake Up Little Johnny

Mother (to sleeping Little Johnny): "Little Johnny, wake up! It’s twenty to eight."
Little Johnny (half asleep): "In whose favor?"

A teacher asks her class if an

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"

Not so famous last words Not so famous last words
1. It's fireproof.
2. He's probably just hibernating.
3. What does this button do?
4. It's probably just a rash.
5. Are you sure the power is off?
6. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
7. Pull the pin and count to what?
8. Which wire was I supposed to cut?
9. I wonder where the mother bear is.
10. I've seen this done on TV.
11. These are the good kind of mushrooms.
12. I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
13. Let it down slowly.
14. It's strong enough for both of us.
15. This doesn't taste right.
16. I can make this light before it changes.
17. Nice doggie.
18. I can do that with my eyes closed.
19. I've done this before.
20. What duck?
21. Well, we've made it this far.
22. That's odd.
23. Don't be so superstitious.

#joke #animal #bear #mother

Urinating in the pool

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

Eat Your Spinach

Mother: Now, Little Johnny, eat your spinach. It’s good for growing children.
Little Johnny: Who wants to grow children?

Brenda and Steve took their si

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied, "The rest are for your father."

Mother: "When I was your age,

Mother: "When I was your age, my mother used to hide money around the house for me that I would find only if I performed my chores particularly well. One time when I was cleaning out the cupboards for her, I found $20 under the old shelf paper."
Daughter: "Wow! What a cool idea! Why didn't you ever do that with me?"
Mother: "But my dear ... I have been."