|
Short jokes - funny one liners (1241 to 1280)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 1241 to 1280. |
Discount Grocery Store
My niece, Sue, plans to open a discount grocery store where everything expires in a week...
She's going to call it Best By...
Why did the Italian dictator a
Why did the Italian dictator attack his son's babysitter and take her wallet?Usually when you hear about No
Usually when you hear about Norway it's Oslo news day.You can tell if someone burned
You can tell if someone burned down their house for insurance reasons, if the smoke is bill owing.We come Beringrong
We come Bering good tidings: This year we pledge to insult Alaskans. It's our New Year's razz Aleutian.The Earth IS Flat
Despite what some people think, since the world is arguably 75% water that is not carbonated,...
One could accurately say that it's technically flat.
The Emperor Penguin The Emperor Penguin ruled the Birdish Empire. He fought a war against the Ostrich-Hungarian Empire to liberate Turkey. When he could not gain any Moa territory, the Emperor was not Emused. He decided to invade the Florida Kiwis instead.
My failure to succeed in the w
My failure to succeed in the water vapour business was a mist stopper tunity.Everyone Has It!
Everyone has photographic memory!
Difference is some do not have any film.
I stopped gambling after readi
I stopped gambling after reading John Milton's Pair o Dice Lost.My friend Ian has a hollow leg
My friend Ian has a hollow leg. Happy Hollow Ian!NED: Who's yo daddy?
NED: Who's yo daddy?ED: Huh?
NED: I said – who's yo daddy?
ED: Funny, I thought it was a parent…
Twin Brother In Prison
My twin brother called me from prison.
He said: “You know how we finish each other’s sentences?”
Not A Single Person Asked
Not a single person asked if I could run fast in my new shoes today...
Being an adult is stupid.
During Chanakuh do they ron
During Chanakuh do they deck the challahs?Grandma soiled herself for the
Grandma soiled herself for the umpteenth time. She's up to her usual shit nan agains.As I was studying grammar, I r
As I was studying grammar, I realized that music star Dolly was no longer attractive. It must have been the Past Parton Supple.Those with oozing pimples tend
Those with oozing pimples tend to have secretes.Sure, I'm overweight and
Sure, I'm overweight and flatulent – but is that so flabber gas sting?Responsible Employee
Employer: "We need someone responsible for this job."
Applicant: "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible."
Relaxing music puts me in a
Relaxing music puts me in a calm position. #joke #short
Are You Ready To Hear It?
Conversation between a guy and a salesperson during the new Tesla roadster drive test...
"Excuse me, sir, I see on the specs that the new Tesla roadster comes standard with a defibrillator?"
"Are you ready to hear the price?"
When th
When the Muslim vacationer landed in New York during a heat wave, he was immediately arrested by Homeland Security. “But, but,” the unsuspecting tourist protested, “all I said was ‘gee, it's hot!‘”Minutes before the cremation,
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow."How old was your husband?" he asked.
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"
Fire Truck
When a small village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an older man, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"
I get upset about Asian canine
I get upset about Asian canine-smugglers. They really know how to pooch my Bhutans.One night at the dinner table,
One night at the dinner table, a wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more...""Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
Jamaica?
I told my friend that my wife and I had a huge argument and she left for the Caribbean.
"Jamaica?" he asked.
"No," I replied, "she went of her own accord."
