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Short jokes - funny one liners (13001 to 13040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13001 to 13040. |
Chimneys make Santa Cl...
Chimneys make Santa Claustrophobic.There were two blondes who wen...
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
Five Days of Christmas
Q: What did the blonde ask Santa Claus for Christmas? A: Five golden dings, four calling nerds, three French men, two purple gloves, and a bar fridge and a party.Preservation Society
Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison lightbulb so it'll be aesthetically accurate.
Relatives....
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Nuclear holocaustr...
Nuclear holocaust: when your family confronts you in an auditorium.Yo Mama... Christmas Corner
Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.Lo and Behold
Q: On Christmas night, how many angels appeared to the shepherds, and what were their names?
A: There were two angels, and their names were 'Lo' and 'Behold.' Doesn't the Bible say, "Lo and Behold, the angels, appeared to the shepherds"?
- Joke shared by Beliefnet community member coltwise
A man put in 10 puns for a pun...
A man put in 10 puns for a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win. But sadly, no pun in ten did.Anyone who likes to quote puns...
Anyone who likes to quote punsters is a saidist.Charity Call
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
Donkeys at Christmas
What do donkeys send out near Christmas? Mule-tide greetings.What do you get if you cross a...
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?Tony was a pianist and was pra...
Tony was a pianist and was practicing late one night. There was a tap on the door, when he opened it his landlord was standing outside the door. He asked; “do you know there is a sick lady upstairs?"Tony answered, “no, I haven’t heard that song. Can you please hum it a little?"
Feminists have high standards....
Feminists have high standards. They're always razing the bra.Would you like to dance?
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
A woman rushes into a hardware...
A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a muse trap, please? And will you be quick – I’ve a bus to catch.â€â€œSorry, ma’am,†said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!â€
Police officer pulled this ...
Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
Ass Kissing and Brown Nosing
Q: Whats the only difference between ass kissing and brown nosing?A: Depth perception.
Buddhists and the Blues
Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Chiyo
Teacher: Now, you must not say...
Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.†You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.â€Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?
Graphic designers are obsessed...
Graphic designers are obsessed with kern events. Especially web designers - they love checking out Britney's css. HTML baby one more time!
Mexican Funeral
Q: Whats the slowest thing on 80 wheels?A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
The olympian skier Picabo Stre...
The olympian skier Picabo Street now works in the Intensive Care Unit at a hospital. Unfortunately, the administration told her she can no longer answer the phone, because this is what she said, "Picabo ICU" (Peek-a-boo, I see you)The gigolo became a ho...
The gigolo became a horologist because he liked big clocks.Black Baby
A white couple had a black baby....The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!
A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah
A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters.
As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
