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Short jokes - funny one liners (13081 to 13120)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13081 to 13120. |
Do you know how to catch a squ...
Do you know how to catch a squirrel?Climb a tree and act like a nut!
#joke #short
A potential terrorist attack b...
A potential terrorist attack by militant Buddhists was defused by the Department of Om land Security.#joke #short
The Invisible Man
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
#joke #short
Q: What did the traffic light ...
Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?A: Don't look I'm changing!
#joke #short
"Now, who can spell the word s...
"Now, who can spell the word straight?" the third-grade teacher asked her students."S-t-r-a-i-g-h-t," answered one boy.
"Great job. And do you know what it means?"
"Without ice."
#joke #short
Do computer-controlled urinals...
Do computer-controlled urinals have their own I pee address?#joke #short
The boss was very exasperated ...
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang."You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"
#joke #short
An inebriated man and his drun...
An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar."Do you know what time it is?" asked the drunk.
"Sure" said the man.
"Thanks" said the drunk.
#joke #short
Guess who knows the state capitals? #blonde #jokes
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
Originally told by Bob Hope.
Originally told by Bob Hope.
"Getting older is FUN. I love it... life is BETTER. EVERYTHING is better. Even
sex. Yeah, that's right, even sex is better... ESPECIALLY the one in the Fall." #joke #short
"Getting older is FUN. I love it... life is BETTER. EVERYTHING is better. Even
sex. Yeah, that's right, even sex is better... ESPECIALLY the one in the Fall."
#joke #short
Goofy Fred took a friend drivi...
Goofy Fred took a friend driving on a narrow mountain road. After a while the friend said, “I feel very scared whenever you go around one of those sharp bends.â€â€œThen do what I do,†said Fred, “close your eyes.â€
#joke #short
The caterer was consulting wit...
The caterer was consulting with a woman about throwing a birthday party for her 72-year-old husband."Is it a surprise?" the caterer asked.
"Oh, no," answered the woman. "My husband knows he's going to be 72."
#joke #short
The man who could sit for hour...
The man who could sit for hours in the steam room, outlasting all others, was crowned swelter wait champion of the world. A real tough saunafabitch.#joke #short
The pun about the man with the...
The pun about the man with the world's longest shin? I'll finish it tomorrow. Tibia continued…#joke #short
Thanksgiving Joke: Hanging the Turkey
Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.
'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.
'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'
Sleeping
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"
#joke #short
Better sex
Who enjoys sex more, males or females?Females do.
Look at it this way: Think about when your ear itches and you scratch it with your finger. When you pull your finger out, what feels better, your finger or your ear?
#joke #short
"The rumor is that Cheney...
"The rumor is that Cheney may have been drinking and he wanted to wait until he sobered up. So he may have been drinking and then he shot a guy. And you know what's really scary about all of this -- what if it turns out all this time Bush was the smart one?" -- Jay Leno#joke #short
Did you hear about the look-al...
Did you hear about the look-alike competition held in china? Everyone won.#joke #short
I broke my leg dancing. My new...
I broke my leg dancing. My new nickname is Saturday Night Femur.#joke #short
No God
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 167
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
#joke #short
When MJ's hair caught fi...
When MJ's hair caught fire, was he a Jacko Lantern?#joke #short
A time-traveler was arrested. ...
A time-traveler was arrested. His defence: he was temporally insane.#joke #short
Take Off My Clothes
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 108
Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 74
Stoned, slow voice: Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.
#joke #short
Q: How do you know you should ...
Q: How do you know you should not be driving because you have had too much to drink?A: When you swerve to hit a tree and then realize that it was only your car air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror!
#joke #short
Governors mansion
Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Arkansas burned down?Almost took out the whole trailer park.
#joke #short
