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Short jokes - funny one liners (13881 to 13920)

Short jokes - funny one liners (13881 to 13920)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13881 to 13920.

Q: Did you he...

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal?


A: She was so proud she had it bronzed.
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Numbers Equal Zero


Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Daughter: Mommy, little brothe...

Daughter: Mommy, little brother just broke my doll! Mother: How did he do that? Daughter: I hit him on the head with it.
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

A Hillbilly was involved in an...

A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (9)

Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Q: What does ...

Q: What does a Disney ride and Viagra have in common?


A: It takes over one hour to start and two minutes for the ride to end.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

How do you stop a Lawyer from Drowning?

Q. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A. Shoot him before he hits the water.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

A man is recovering from surge...

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Answering Machine Message 257


I am not home to talk to you,
But please don't be a creep.
Just leave your name and number,
At the sound of the...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Mom: Young lady, what happened...

Mom: Young lady, what happened to you? Daughter: I fell into a big puddle, Mom. Mom: In your new dress? Daughter: Well, I didn't have time to change.
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

What do you call a snail on a ...

What do you call a snail on a boat?

A Snailer!
#joke #short #animal #snail
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

Q: When do yo...

Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?

A: When you eat a watermelon.
#joke #short #fruit #watermelon
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gr...

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

What do cannibals call sprinte...

What do cannibals call sprinters?
Fast food!
#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Father: Come here, little man....

Father: Come here, little man. I'll teach you to eat up your sister's whole birthday cake. Son: That's all right, Dad. I already know how.
#joke #short #food #cake #father
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

The Economy is so Bad...

The Economy is so Bad...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Q: Mommy, Mom...

Q: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.
A: Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.
#joke #short #food #beans #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

ATTORNEY: What gear were you ...

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (15)

Blonde Paint

Have you heard about the new blonde paint?

Its cheap, thick, and spreads real easy...

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Visitor: Young man, is it true...

Visitor: Young man, is it true that you're distantly related to your neighbors? Little boy: Yes sir. You see, their dog is the brother of our dog.
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Elizabeth was surprised to rec...

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. When her Aunt asked how she was going to spend it, she replied by saying, "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God.

He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

How do you get a kleenex to da...

How do you get a kleenex to dance?

Â… Put a little boogey in it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Various Quotes

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -- Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Q: Why was th...

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?


A: Because his daddy was a mummy.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually a...

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (9)

Geometry Humor

Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Did you hear about the red shi...

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The survivors were marooned.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Who gets the present....

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (23)

Houseguest: My dear, I'll be g...

Houseguest: My dear, I'll be going away by tomorrow. Are you sad? Little girl: Oh, yes. I thought you were going to leave by today.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

The invisible couple had a kid...

The invisible couple had a kid and he isnÂ’t much to look at either!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Q: What do yo...

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quater pounder with cheese.
#joke #short #food #cheese
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Walks Into a Bar... The Whole Gang

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, Is this some kind of joke?
#joke #short #blonde #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Chicken or the egg?

Which came first?

The chicken or the egg?

Neither... The rooster came first.

#joke #short #animal #chicken #rooster #food #egg
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (54)

An A road and a B road were ha...

An A road and a B road were having a drink in a bar, when a 3ft piece of Tarmac came in.
A said to B: "Keep away from him. He's mad, he's a cycle path."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Mom: Junior, I wouldnÂ’t jump ...

Mom: Junior, I wouldnÂ’t jump up and down on the bed like that if I were you. Junior: Well, how would you jump on the bed then, Mom?
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

What's the difference between ...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
- You can chop beef, but you can't pea soup!
#joke #short #food #soup #beef
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (11)

Japanese Golf

A Japanese family just arrived in the United states and stays at a moderate hotel in New York. As they ride up the elevator to their suite, a gentleman gets in at the next floor.
#joke #short #sport #golf
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Q: What is th...

Q: What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?

A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Walks Into a Bar... Vampires

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, Ill have a pint of blood.
The second one says, Ill have one, too.
The third one says, Ill have a pint of plasma.
The bartender says, So, thatll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Mom: What are you scribbling, ...

Mom: What are you scribbling, dear? Daughter: IÂ’m writing a note for my baby sister. Mom: But you can't write yet! Daughter: That's okay. She can't read.
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Jokes Archive

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