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Short jokes - funny one liners (13841 to 13880)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13841 to 13880. |
What do you get when you cross...
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mosquito?Proper Excercise While Pregnant
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.#joke #short
Ron White: Calling Home From the Road
I call her. She tells me my dog, Sluggo, just took a dump on the new carpet. Im like, Shoot him. She goes, Thats just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and youre being sarcastic. Alright, honey, Im sorry. Put the dog on the phone. Ill talk to him.Wife: Did you see your dentist...
Wife: Did you see your dentist this morning? Husband: I did. Wife: Then why did I spot you with a pretty woman in the park? Husband: Yes, that's my dentist!#joke #short
Q: Trooper, when you stopped t...
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
#joke #short
Save My Wife
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.#joke #short
ATTORNEY: So the date of con...
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
#joke #short
Ron White: Walking on the Beach
If youre ever walking down the beach and you see a girl dressed in a bikini made out of seashells, and you pick her up and hold her to your ear, you can hear her scream.#joke #short
British Hospitality
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of stout.#joke #short
Someone saw a blonde eati...
Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll - Tootsie Pop?"
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."
ATTORNEY: Were you present wh...
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
#joke #short
Visitor: So, young man, is thi...
Visitor: So, young man, is this your brother? Little boy: Yes, sir. Visitor: He's very small, isn't he? Little boy: Well, he's only my half-brother.#joke #short
A Puzzle for Darwin
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
#joke #short
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, t...
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
#joke #short
Ron White: Death Penalty in Texas
In Texas, we have the death penalty and we use it. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. #joke #short
Q: Did you he...
Q: Did you hear about the new device that makes your car run 95% quieter?A: It fits right over her mouth.
#joke #short
Lol
Doc, I think I'm a bridge.' 'What's come over you?' 'So far, three cars, a truck and a bus.#joke #short
Top Sarcastic Police Comments
'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'#joke #short #policeman
Q: Why was Ti...
Q: Why was Tigger leaning over the toilet bowl?A: He was looking for Pooh!
#joke #short
ATTORNEY: Do you know if you...
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
#joke #short
TV star Jonathan Ross has been...
TV star Jonathan Ross has been caught shoplifting in Harrods' kitchen department.The controversial chat show host told police it was a whisk he had to take.
#joke #short #policeman
ATTORNEY: What was the first ...
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
#joke #short
Knock Knock ...
Knock KnockWho's there?
Fajita!
Fajita who?
Fajita another thing I'm going to be sick !
#joke #short
Traffic School
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)#joke #short
