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Short jokes - funny one liners (3281 to 3320)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3281 to 3320. |
Cut lawn without glasses
“When Reverend Spooner tried to cut his lawn without glasses, it was a mind-blowing case of blind mowing.”
Race cancelled
“The local 5K race was abruptly cancelled. The event had run its course.”
No one believed Edison
“At first no one believed Edison when he said he'd made an electric bulb. They dismissed it as a filament of his imagination.”
Like Noodles
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Rising unemployment rate
Q: What's the worst thing about the rising unemployment rate?A: It's harder to screw your girlfriend when her husband's always home.
Why did the slave go to college?
Why did the slave go to college?
So he could pickup his Master's degree.
Face or Bill
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
How kind you are?
No matter how kind you are,
German children are kinder.
Joke found on reddit, posted by mattsulli in 2016
Photo by Elliot11 Medino on Pixabay
Death and Taxes
Death and taxes are inevitable...
But at least death doesn't get worse every year!
Scientific Study Shows
My local college just announced the end of a scientific study...
Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
A nice girl
I met a nice girl at a bar last night and asked her to call me when she made it home.
She must be homeless.
Photo by Nicole Law from Pexels
Husband over by a car
Two women friends talking:- You know, I sent my husband to our local market place to buy potatoes today. But on his way there he was run over by a car.
- Oh, that's awful. What will you do now?
- I don't know. I will probably cook rice pudding...
Cloning Machine
Her: "I don't even know what the cloning machine does?"
Me: "Well, that makes two of us."
How does a sundial work?
Son: “Hey Dad, how does a sundial work?”
Dad hands son a phone…
“Ok, now just call someone.”
Son: “Why can’t you do it?”
Dad: “Because that would be a DADdial.”
Past Relationships
I made a graph of all my past relationships...
It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.
Photography of internal organs
“Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas?”
Did You Hear
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married...
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
Music Store Robbery
A music store was robbed last week...
Thieves made away with the lute.
A secretary walked into her bo...
A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you.""Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile."
Meeting of the professional photographers
“At the annual general meeting of the professional photographers many high-resolutions were put forward!”
Word at funeral
A man is at his wife’s funeral and a woman asks him if she can say a word.
He says okay and she stands up, saying ‘Plethora’.
The man replies, ‘Thanks, that means a lot’.
by Reddit user u/DVPC4
Photo by Rhodi Alers de Lopez on Unsplash
Musicians on the rampage
“What is it called when musicians go on the rampage, break into stores and steal things? Luting.”
In Six Months
"Where do you see yourself in six months?"
"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."
Atheist observed his plight
“When the atheist observed his plight he realized he didn't have a prayer.”
Stand outside
I'm gonna go stand outside,
so if anybody asks you can just say i'am outstanding.
Photo by Jay Sadoff on Unsplash
The Lackluster Limo Driver
There was this limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer...
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Valentine's Day cards
Top economist Valentine's Day cards
4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.
3. Let's raise housing starts together.
2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.
1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.
No kids
My wife and I decided not to have kids
The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Author NuSuntTroll
Photo by Ashton Bingham on Unsplash
