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Short jokes - funny one liners (3281 to 3320)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3281 to 3320. |
Another Recital
“Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the kidneys, intestines, pancreas, and the liver.”
One med student leaned toward his friend sitting next to him, “Great, we have to sit through another organ recital.”
Do Not Bend
A man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
Never Made A Mistake
I never made a mistake in my life!
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Sentenced me to death
As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.
But he left me hanging.
By Reddit user roomierplanet, posted August 31st 2019.
The Word Impossible
Boss: “The word 'Impossible' does not exist in my dictionary!”
Secretary: “Well Sir, maybe you should have checked it first before buying it.”
Math teacher
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
Found on reddit, authorYoureAMuenster
Image by InstagramFOTOGRAFIN from Pixabay
Can We Make It 9?
A guard tells a prisoner, "You will be released from prison at 5 a.m. tomorrow."
The prisoner replies, "Can we make it 9 a.m.? I'm not up yet at 5."
A man, submitting information
A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had."Sixteen," he replied.
The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"
The man replied, "Not if I can help it."
Standing at the ATM.
Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM.
Confused, I asked him what he was doing?
He was just checking his balance.
“Buying a new toilet
“Buying a new toilet was a big expense for me, so I decided to sit on it for a while.”
Justice Prevailed
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to represent a long-term client. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney emailed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately!"
A young woman gazed up from he
A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that you are a real lady killer."The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."
“Why was the eagle in
“Why was the eagle in handcuffs? The police thought he was a flight risk!”
Ad Response
One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"
"Yeah, we got robbed last night."
Buckle Up
Buckle up - it's harder for the aliens to abduct you!Don’t Toy With Me
My kids were fighting over their toys. I warned them if they kept it up I would take the toys away. They didn’t stop so I took them away to teach them a lesson.
Afterwards, they were still fighting. I said, “That’s it!” and gave them their toys back.
Lesson learned.
Went into labor
“When she went into labor, her husband started having a midwife crisis.”
Making A Small Fortune
Question: What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Answer: Start off with a big one.
Comfort the English Teacher
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.
Car Doors Recess
Little Johnny, on recess, was carrying a car door while playing outside with his buddies on a very hot day.
His teacher called him over to ask, "Why?"
Little Johnny replied, "If I get too hot, I can roll down the car window!"
