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Short jokes - funny one liners (3321 to 3360)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3321 to 3360. |
Answering Machine Message 152
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Eels being friendly
“Groups of eels that value being friendly with one another are social morays.”
Rhymes In Chemistry
CHEMISTRY RHYMES
Old Man Stokes
Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine
Who lived beside the Raleigh line;
Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied,
Lived never-the-less on the other side.
She would marry one day
“Doris dreamed she would marry one day. She indeed did and became Doris Day.”
I Heard It
Little Mary talking to Little Johnny: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Little Johnny: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Little Mary: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Little Johnny: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.
Eecho from ridge
“He said I could never get an echo from his ridge, but I called his bluff.”
The Right Place
I'm always in the right place!
Unfortunately it's always at the wrong time.
Girl: Baby I am wet.
Girl: Baby I am wet.Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that.
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want something big and round.
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
A Road Racket
We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting.
“He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.
“That won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”
Quip To Complete Purchase
I used to find buying books from Amazon slow and inconvenient...
Until one day the receptionist suggested I use their website.
Taking picture at museum
I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.
He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.
Found on Twitter BytownMuseum posted on 16 Jun 2019
What's a lima bean?
“What's a lima bean? I don't know, but now it's a Madagascan primate.”
Much mayo on bagel
“My political opponent claimed I used too much mayo on my bagel. It was a smear tactic.”
Music planets sing?
Q: What kind of music do planets sing?
A: Neptunes!
A planetary music joke was posted on Twitter by Holly on August 10, 2012.
A similar joke was posted on Twitter by Bobby Amasha on October 8, 2012:
Q: What kind of music do planets listen to?
A: Neptunes!
What's The Word
A girl is doing a crossword puzzle...
"What's a 7-letter word for 'easily perceived or understood' that starts with 'O'?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"It should be, but I can't figure it out. That's why I'm asking."
A guy comes home to his wife o
A guy comes home to his wife one evening with a big bunch of flowers and she says, "I suppose this means I have to get on my back with my legs open for the next three days".The husband says, "Why? Don't you have any vases?"
It's Common Sense
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.
Ukulele needed tuning
“The mountaineer's ukulele needed tuning for the altitude on Mt Everest because it was a little highly strung.”
Hats
Q: What Did One Hat Say to the Other Hat?
A: You Stay Here, I'll Go On A Head"
Joke found on fashionista.com, posted on FEB 20, 2007.
Photo by Jennifer Regnier on Unsplash
Times change
Times change.Recently there was a demonstration by a large number of students at several Howard County high schools in Columbia.
The students were protesting the fact the teachers got paid, when it was they who did all the work.
Stairs
Me: and this is my house
Friend: what’s upstairs
Me: stairs don’t talk
Found on tweeter, posted by @fishbowel on 8th Sep 2018
