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Short jokes - funny one liners (3361 to 3400)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3361 to 3400. |
Turned 18 Today
Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it...
Guess I really am... Independent!
Think She Misses Me?
My ex-wife was on vacation in New Orleans and sent me a picture of one of the famous cemeteries with the graves above ground...
The caption read: "WISH YOU WERE HERE!"
“All of the riders fo
“All of the riders for the old west mail service had to be small. That’s why they called it the Puny Express.”
Answering Machine Message 09
Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
Employment Test
"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?"
"Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I don't get the job."
Have A Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
You Remind Me of the Sea
Girl: "You remind me of the sea."
Boy: "Why? Because I'm so wild and romantic?"
Girl: "No, because you make me sick."
The Dog And Neutron
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
My Job As A Taxi Driver
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver...
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
Get The Job Done
"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."
Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine. I'll take two."
“At the old sailor's
“At the old sailor's garage sale, I bought a basketball hoop. It was the rim of the ancient mariner.”
“When we learned lite
“When we learned literacy in elementary school, my teacher set up a metronome. We learned reading and writing to a rhythmic tick.”
An Electric Curtain Call
Did you hear about the big power outage last week that hit New York City’s Theater District ?
It was a real show stopper!
Diet Plans
I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that...
After all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.
Southern Pounderings
Not Welcomed
An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.”
The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
Stolen glasses
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you, I have contacts
Photo by Mark Solarski on Unsplash
Marriage Advice
When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first seven years are the hardest," she said.
"How long have you been married?" I asked.
"Seven years," she replied.
Corpse up for adoption
“A necromancer trainee put a corpse up for adoption. He just couldn't raise the dead right now.”
