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Short jokes - funny one liners (3401 to 3440)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3401 to 3440. |
Answering Machine Message 147
We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually.
When a woman wears leather clo
When a woman wears leather clothingA man's heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes week in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?
Because she smells like a new truck!!!
A restaurant was packed with p
A restaurant was packed with people watching a televised ball game. Two diners gave the harried waitress their order, then waited a long time without getting food.Hearing the sound of cheers from the bar area, one diner joked, "It sounds like someone got served!"
“I tried to take out
“I tried to take out the trash but I think it was a complete waste of time.”
Do Not Give Up Your Seat
A girl involved with a women’s lib group boarded a crowded bus and one man rose to his feet.
“No, no! You must not give up your seat, I insist!” she said.
The man replied, “Lady, you may insist as much as you like. But this is my street, so this is where I get off.”
Boy walks in on his dad mastur
Boy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon enough!"
"Really? Why's that, Daddy?"
"Well, my arm is getting tired..."
“I've been having is
“I've been having issues with the roof leaking into the storage space below it. It's being very problem attic!”
Perspective
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."
I Always Liked You
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites."
"Why thank you," I replied.
Then he concluded with, "You were mean to everyone.”
Answering Machine Message 135
Hi, you've reached 474-2340. Don, Kendy and Sylvia can't come to the phone right now because they've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I wouldn't -- you might be next! (evil laugh)
Friends with an Undertaker
An undertaker can be one of your best friends...
He'll be the last one to let you down.
“There is a haunted A
“There is a haunted AC unit at my work. It's been giving everyone the chills!”
Limousine Driver
Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver...
Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!
With his wife out for the even
With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled: "Go to sleep, I'm watching TV."
"But Dad," he protested, "my room is still on fire!"
Dad's 50th Birthday
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes...
He then said, " You know, one would have been enough."
“Today I spotted an a
“Today I spotted an albino dalmatian. Now everyone will be able to tell it's a dalmatian.”
Traffic circle
Ditzy friend to another: "I failed the driving test. I entered the traffic circle and the sign said '30 mph' so I drove 30 times around."The other friend responds sympathetically, "You probably counted wrong."
Electoral Ink
At an election booth, a woman was applying electoral ink to her forefinger.
She asked, "How long will this last?"
The officer replied, "60 days!"
The woman asks, "Could you please color my hair as well?"
During a recent password audit
During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:MikeMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyRome
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
“Years of arching one
“Years of arching ones back over a keyboard can lead to scrolliosis.”
Undercover Police
I saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today and thought it was weird...
Then I realized he must be one of those “plane clothes cops”...
Must watch Advice – Sinbad on Marraige
When I Was Your Age
Teacher: "When I was of your age, I learned very quickly and was not as slow as you are."
Student: "Wow, you must have had a good teacher then, didn't you?"
“When I lived on the
“When I lived on the coast I consulted the tide charts every day. I liked to keep up on current events.”
