Sport jokes (2101 to 2115)

the Top 11 Entries in Bill Gat...

the Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary"

11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.

9. The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.

8. Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!

7. Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6. Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5. Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!

4. Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3. Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.

2. Ran into Demi and Ashton. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

1. Seventh day: rested.

One day, in line at the cafete...

One day, in line at the cafeteria, Bob says to Stanley behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Stan replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at WalMart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to WalMart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Bob hurries back to WalMart, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and waits.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab...
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

And, as always, thank you for shopping at Walmart.

I am going on vacation unt...

I am going on vacation until Sunday so I figured I would write long post In many different sections. I am going on a fishing trip with my granddad and we are going to check on my great grandmother.

Joke of the day 6/05/08

Max: Mr. Thatcher, I'm here to talk to you about a raise.
Mr. Thatcher: Well, Max, tell me how long you've been working here not counting tomorrow?

The Post

Now down to the actual Post part. While I was gone I figured I needed to come up with something that would spark a lot of conversation. So I did. I also though for a change it should not be just about technology. So here is the question What will be the next big feat, or discovery. This is in any category from flying cars to the hologram screen. You tell me. Personally I think it will be cars that run on alternative fuel. What do you think please comment.

Two burly blokes were in...

Two burly blokes were in the woods hunting deer. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a dump."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper." His mate replied, "You have 5 bucks, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got that. That's a great idea - I'll use that!"

He left and came back with brown stuff all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your backside with a couple of two-dollar coins, a fifty, two twenties and ten cent piece?"

A man and a woman meet on vaca...

A man and a woman meet on vacation and quickly fall in love. At the trip's end, they decide to open up to each other.

"It's only fair to warn you, Jody," Bill says. "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep, and breathe golf."

"Well, I'll be honest, too," Jody says. "I'm a hooker."

The man looks crestfallen for a moment, then says, "Are you keeping your wrists straight?"

Mini Meanie

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.
"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."
"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.
When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"
"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.