The best jokes (15106 to 15120)

The man with lockjaw was a jack of all trades, masseter of none.

#joke #short

Did you hear about the red shi...

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?

Steering wheel

So a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

When he walks up to the bar and orders a drink, the bar tender

says:

"Gee that must be a bit annoying mate"

The guy replies: "Yeah, its driving me nutts!"

My kids love going to the Web,...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

one time at this party I walke...

one time at this party I walked up to a stunning golden-haired woman and said, "You know, gentlemen prefer blondes."

She smiled a coy smile and answered, "You know, I'm not really a blonde."

I smiled, "Good. I'm not really a gentleman."

Q: What do you call a man who ...

Q: What do you call a man who just lost his brain?
A: Divorced.

If you need someone to park yo...

If you need someone to park your bicycle, look for a man with a handle bar must-stash.

Without A Christmas Bonus

Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus
10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips

7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"
6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times
1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

I made my son do sit-ups. He c...

I made my son do sit-ups. He claimed it was child ab use.

Did Jesus ever get a haircut?...

Did Jesus ever get a haircut?

You know you're really drunk i...

You know you're really drunk if you can't lie on the floor without holding on.

Redneck Marriage

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

Getting Saved

A father asked his little boy if he knew how a person gets saved.
“We’ll be saved by going to our church every Sunday,” the boy said without hesitation.
His father explained that going to their church each week would not save them.
“Well, then, we better find another church!” replied the boy.
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

Tilt Steering

Why do Blondes like tilt steering?

Because theres more head room.

Morgan Murphy: Discovering Irony

I knew that I wanted to do comedy when I discovered irony. For those of you who dont know, I actually discovered irony when I was seven, which is when my mom started beating me with my own trophies.