The best jokes (15706 to 15720)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15706 to 15720. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Jack & Leroy
Jack and Leroy were talking one day in the company lunch room. Leroy confessed that he had recently been having trouble with his woman. Leroy said they just didn't have that "spark" anymore, and sex was practically non existent. He asked Jack, who was his best friend, if Jack and his wife ever seemed to have that problem. Jack said, "Leory, my friend, whenever my wife and I get into a slump, I find that it's romance, man, romance. Candy, flowers and poetry that does the trick."Leroy said "Romance, that romance shit don't work for black folks and poetry?!?? Man, I can't be saying off no poetry, that shit is for faggots."
Jack disagreed and stressed how romance spiced up his sex life with his wife. Leroy said " OK, bro, I'll give it try. What should I do?"
Jack said, "You go to the flower shop, pick up some beautiful flowers. Stop and get a big box of chocolates, and then, when you walk through the door, you make up a poem You need to say something about their how beautiful they are, and explain to them the way you want to make love to them."
Leroy says "Give me an example."
Jack thinks a moment and says, "Well, here's one that worked really well for me: "Beautiful blond hair, eyes like a dove Come here my darling, let's make sweet love."
Leroy says "OK, that sounds easy, I'll give it a try."
The next day, as Jack walks into the company lunch room, he sees Leroy. Leroy's head is swollen and covered with bruises. Jack rushes over and says "What happened to you?"
Leroy replies "I tried your fucking romance bullshit, that's what happened!" "What did you do? "Took your advice, went, got some flowers, stopped and got some candy, walked in the door and recited some poetry."
"And it didn't work?"
"Hell, no it didn't work... look at me. She beat the shit outta me."
Jack says "I just don't understand...Let's hear your poem."
Leroy replies: "Nappy hair, nappy hair eyes like a frog Bend over, bitch, I wanna fuck you like a dog."
Jonathan Corbett: Retired Father
My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.You look familiar
You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.
I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.
I know your trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.
That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.
You look familiar too, but that's not surprising, I collect bugs for a hobby.
You look familiar too, have I ever seen you hanging by the tail from the tree in my garden ?
Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time?
This man comes through a door ...
This man comes through a door to the bar and slipped on a pile of crap, he mumbles and brushes himself off. He orders a drink and sits down. A few minutes later a younger man walks through the door yelling and screaming, and he slips on the pile of crap. He gets up and looks around, and then he sits down next to the older guy. The older man says, "I did that!" The younger man punches the old man and leaves.Knock Knock Collection 144
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ozzie!
Ozzie who?
Ozzie you later!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pablo!
Pablo who?
Pablo your horn!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pammy!
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!
Chuck Norris can speak braille...
Chuck Norris can speak braille.Fred & Saddam
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.
No-Parking Zone
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
Elizabeth was surprised to rec...
Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. When her Aunt asked how she was going to spend it, she replied by saying, "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God.He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."
My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Parents in Beverly Hills fired...
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children'snames.
Christian Finnegan: Car Alarm
If I ever have a car alarm, if I ever have a car, its just gonna be a big speaker on the back of my car, and whenever anybody tries to break in, its just gonna go, Attention: free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed! Because then, people are gonna come running -- maybe not the kind of people who can help a whole lot, but people, nonetheless.Letters from Little Boys to God
Dear God,
Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
Tom L.
Dear God,
I went to this wedding on Sunday and they kissed right in the church! Is that O.K.?
Neil
Dear God,
If you watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Mickey D.
Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Bruce
Dear God,
If you give me a genie lamp like in Aladdin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
Raphael
Dear God,
Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Greg
Dear God,
Please send Dennis Clark to another camp this summer.
Peter
Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I look both ways.
Dean
Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Doug
Dear God,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair.
Sam
Dear God,
I am American. What are you?
Robert
Dear God,
If you didn't let the dinosaur become extinct, we wouldn't have this country. You did the right thing.
Jonathan
Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry
Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not saying that because you are God already.
Charles
Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Thursday. That was cool!
Eugene
- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page
