The best jokes (15766 to 15780)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15766 to 15780. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Mary's List
Mary's list for the throughout the ages...
What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where the bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. He doesn't miss the toilet.
Grammarical Rules
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
He was given two consecutive sentences!
The Job Interview
Job Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening."
Visit To The Car Dealer
One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."
The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."
To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"
"No son, I want this color."
"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"
“I tried to mine diam
“I tried to mine diamonds but all I found was chalcedony, I'm sard to say.”
“Is trading a cephalo
“Is trading a cephalopod for a corvine avian considered squid pro crow?”
“Can punsters possess
“Can punsters possessing the acumen to puncture the bloated ego of another by his pun pricks be called an acupuncturist?”
If you're Vice-President
If you're Vice-President waiting to become President, then I guess Joe Biden your time.It takes a certain typ
It takes a certain type to commit infonticide.Hair stylists
“Hair stylists are truly a braid a part.”
Photo by Kaone Makoko on pexels.com“In a lesser known se
“In a lesser known sequel by Jack London, Buck joins a pack of vegetarians wolves. It is called 'Kale of the Wild.'”
Things Never Change
It's a sign of the time.... it's like being 16 again...
Gas is cheap and I'm grounded again!
