The best jokes (15766 to 15780)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15766 to 15780. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Computer Programming
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
Bill, wake up!
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
Wyoming Crazy Law
Cheyenne
Robert Schmidt 11
The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished basement.
What are imitation rhinestones?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Let's say you stuff a cat's tail up his ass until it peeks out of his mouth, and you give the tip of its tail a sound yank. Would the cat turn inside out?
I recently changed my name to Resident Occupant. The local post office would like to speak with me but they're not sure where I live. Last week they used a barge to deliver my mail. But I don't think I'm getting it all. So if you happen to see any of it...
I'm getting a tattoo. It's going to be all over my whole body--a tattoo of myself. Only taller.
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was "woman".
I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.
My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants ... I use a megaphone.
Andre Kelley: Adult Table
This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults table. Thats cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.An amazing talking dog
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"
How was I born?
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Seizure in a Bathtub
Q: What do you do when you find a man in the bath tub havinga seisure?
A: Throw in your laundry.
Eating Out
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
The juggler....
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Knock Knock Collection 189
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walter!
Walter who?
Walter-wall carpeting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wannetta!
Wannetta who?
Wannetta time please!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Warner!
Warner who?
Warner you coming out to play!
Brendon Walsh: Bathroom Break
Ever been at your job and you get so bored and sick of doing it that you just go to the bathroom to hang out? You dont even need to go. You just want a change of scenery for a little bit. 
