The best jokes (15781 to 15795)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15781 to 15795. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
The grass farmer was criminall
The grass farmer was criminally charged after using a sod-off shotgun to settle a lawn-standing turf war – he wanted mow money. After his arrest he was denied bale.Social climbers are trying to
Social climbers are trying to reach higher into the statusphere.Artist Pablo Picasso surprised
Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
It's All in the Name
If your name is on the building, you’re rich...
If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...
If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!
Ted and Julie go to bed with e
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Never On Time
Passenger: What good is your timetable, the trains are never on time!
Conductor: And how would you know they were late if it wasn’t for the timetable?
Stranded Salesman
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
A man was driving a rig in a l
A man was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?""Have you ever gone fishing?" the officer asked.
"Yes," Walt replied.
"Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?"
During a funeral, the organist
During a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the casket was carried out of the church. After the service, the minister complimented him on his performance."Oh, by the way," the minister asked, "Do you know what the deceased did for a living?"
"No idea," said the organist as he began packing up.
The minister smiled, "He was a butcher."
I'm addicted to drinking
I'm addicted to drinking saltwater. Giving it up will be no smooth saline.Seeing Red
"Believe it or not, but when I see red I'm happy."
"How's that?"
"I sell sunburn remedy."
NED: Hear about my friend Stan
NED: Hear about my friend Stan, who had his penis cut off by his wife?ED: Really! She must have been sent to prison.
NED: No, I'm afraid she was let off.
ED: Really. Why?
NED: Because – the judge ruled there was only circumcise-Stan-genital evidence!
Class Reunion
I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school.
I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then.
