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The best jokes (15781 to 15795)

The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15781 to 15795. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily.

Ode to a Cat

Ode To A Cat

I think that I shall never see
A cat that sheds as much as thee
Thy fur that sticks is all around
On chairs, on mats in little mounds
I sweep the floor, you shed some more
I wash the rug and you just shrug
You should give thanks I tolerate that
Or you would be a crew cut cat.
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Outdone

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.

After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Wheel Barrow with Two Wheels

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Closed

Why did the blonde freeze to death at the drive-in?

She went to see "Closed for the season."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Parade

What's long, brown and has a cumulative IQ of 80?

A Cinco De Mayo parade.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Jupiter's Great Red Spot isn't...

Jupiter's Great Red Spot isn't a storm. It's where Chuck Norris puts his victims.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (60)

Jessi Klein: Backhanded Compliment

Guys have said to me, You know, Jessi, part of what makes you so pretty is you have no idea how pretty you are. And then theyre just like, Enjoy. And Im like, That is not nice. That is like, at best, thats like a backhanded compliment. And at worst, thats just like a forehanded insult because I know that what that sentence really means is, Part of what makes you so pretty is that your self-esteem is so low, its easier for me to f**k you.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (51)

Email of the species

The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

Give him an orange

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

#joke #lawyer #fruit #orange #drinks #juice
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (44)

Mike Birbiglia: Five Dates

My female friends complain about dating. My friend was like, I went out with this guy, and he wanted to sleep with me after five dates. And I was like, No, he wanted to sleep with you after one date. He thought he might have a chance after five. He probably wanted to sleep with you after zero dates, but he thought a trip to Applebees might grease the wheels a little.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.54/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (13)

Chemistry Song 04


Silent Labs
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh, how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh, Please Santa bring me an 'A'.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.54/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (13)

Star power...

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles.

Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.54/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (13)

Can't touch this

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (66)

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (54)

A Handicap parking sign does n...

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (18)

Internet can get worse

Top ten ways the Internet could get worse

10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.

9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter & Siegel.

8. Home shopping "network".

7. Netrek corporate sponsorships. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus. In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.

6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.

5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".

4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.

3. Gameboy web browsers.

2. Tipper Gore cancelbot unleashed onto the net.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THE INTERNET CAN GET WORSE:

1. Two words: "Microsoft Network"

#joke #lawyer #animal #tiger
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (18)

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