The best jokes (15916 to 15930)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15916 to 15930. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Trusted Doctor
A newcomer to the neighborhood consulted one of the established residents in regard to a doctor.
"My little daughter," she explained, "has swallowed a gold piece and has got to be operated on. I wonder if Dr. Robertson is to be trusted?
"Without a doubt," her neighbor assured her, "he's absolutely honest."
Many elderly grandmothers are
Many elderly grandmothers are cloak/cane addicts.A guy walks into a bar with an
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open.
After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
A Wife Once Observed
I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
Note: Actually more than 1 wife has made the same observation!
The insect screenplay was crit
The insect screenplay was critiqued for an overuse of pest asides.Imagine the puns if Clinton we
Imagine the puns if Clinton were president. They would be Hilary US.The House I'm Looking For
Billy Brown decided it was time to buy a new house, so he decided to sell his old house and put the matter in a real estate agent's hands.
The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Bill read it, he turned to the agent and asked, 'Does my house have everything your ad says it does?'
The agent said, 'It certainly does. Why do you ask?'
Bill replied, 'Cancel the sale. It's exactly what I'm looking for!'
A sadist, a masochist, a zooph
A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyro, and a murderer are bored.Suddenly, the zoophile says, "let's have sex with a cat."
The sadist says, "let's have sex with a cat and then torture it."
The murderer says, "let's have sex with the cat, torture it, then kill it."
The necrophile says, "let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, then have sex with it again."
The pyro is really excited and says, "let's do all that and then burn the shit out of it when we finish."
They turn to the masochist who has been quiet this whole time . Finally, he says, "meow."
I Don't Speak Dog
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. He names the dog Einstein and trains Einstein to do a couple of tricks. He can't wait to show Einstein off to his neighbor. A few weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Einstein into the house, bragging about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!"Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey ... And you think it's easy eating that junk that you call designer dog food? Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. It's disgusting I tell you!"The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks. You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa talking to us." "I know, I know," says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I said kvetch."Silly Collection 04
What do golfers use in China?China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
Just Part of My Job
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.
The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it!
Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”
“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”
