The best jokes (16306 to 16320)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16306 to 16320. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A college physics professor wa...
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.
“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.
“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”
Murphy's Law of Toast
Murphy's Law of ToastThe probability of the toast landing jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
#joke #short
The probability of the toast landing jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
More La...
More Laws of Work1 Anyone can do any work provided it isn't what they're supposed to be doing.
2 Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the post.
3 If you're good, you'll get all the work. If you're really good, you'll avoid it.
4 A person's authority is inversely proportional to the number of pens they carry.
5 You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
6 The longer the title, the less important the job.
7 Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
8 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
9 The more pretentious a company name, the smaller the organisation.
10 Never ask two questions in memo. The reply will discuss only the unimportant one.
Tony Rock: Difference in the Clothes
White people cant tell the difference between hard, honest working black people and criminal black people, because we all basically dress the same. We all basically wear jeans, boots, sometimes an occasional baseball hat -- yall cant tell. But see, black people, we can just look at what a white persons wearing and tell this guys messed up -- get away from this guy -- because all the bad white people wear the same exact thing: police uniforms.“Hello, Operator. You gave me...
“Hello, Operator. You gave me the wrong number.” The young man was quite peeved about it. I’m calling HOpe5567. “There is no such exchange as Rope,” said the operator.“Hope,” replied the man angrily. “H like in Harry, O for Otto, P for Peter and E for Edward.” “Gee,” said the operator, “that phone booth must be awfully crowded.
But what number do you want?”
Attending a wedding for the fi...
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"Kurt Metzger: Mayan Calendar and 2012
Why would they know the end of the world? They didnt have any pants. Did you know that? They didnt have the invention of pants. You think you can crack the secrets of the universe but not the secret of pockets? They just made a lot of calendars and they never said its the end of the world -- goofy white people made that up.A man walking his three legged...
A man walking his three legged dog near Wembley finds a lamp, He rub it and out pops a genie. The genie says "I'll grant you one wish.""Can you make my dog win Crufts" says the man.
"What with only three legs? Wish again" says the genie
"Okay." Says the bloke,"Can you arrange for England to win the World Cup?"
The genie ponders before telling him: "Lets have a look at that dog again."
Funny jokes-Money saved by not smoking
Juan says, “Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”
“Four.”
“How long have you been smoking?”
“Thirty years.”
“That's over six thousand packs. If you didn't smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”
The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”
“Never.”
“Do you own this building?”
“No.”
“Well, I do.”
Banking Error…
A true story out of San Francisco…A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.”
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Funny jokes-LA Police woman
Reggie : Do you know about this LA police woman who works part-time as a stripper?Archie: Well, I do hear about some people having double identities.
Reggie: You know this LA policewoman's t-shirt says,
"LAPD" on the front
and
"ANCE" on the back.
Follow in my footsteps...
On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"
Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
corruption
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness."Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Chilling with the Eskimo
What do eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
Polaroids!
