The best jokes (16531 to 16545)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16531 to 16545. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Dog and Cat
What is a Cat?Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
Weekend at Daves..
Starting the car for the long trip back into the city, Thorn and Bill said their final good-byes to their good friend, Curly David."Thanks for puttin' us up for the weekend, pal," said Thorn.
"The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife."
Shortly after hitting the road, Bill turned to Thorn and said, "I hope you weren't serious about enjoying fucking his wife!"
"No, I wasn't serious. She was lousy."
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his l...
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.Laura Kightlinger: Christmas Sadness
My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. Cause Im plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didnt I get to open this year? Yo Mama So Ugly
yo mama so eglu even canbales are afard of her.Bulletin Bloopers
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Some boy scouts from the city ...
Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights.Four people are in an airplane...
Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the punk "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."Shaun Latham: Lazy Eye
You get into a lot of fights growing up with a lazy eye, cause no matter how I look at you its the wrong way.Ben Kronberg: Jesus Heals
Jesus heals cripples because heaven isnt wheelchair accessible. That sh*t was built way before wheelchairs. Besides, its a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.No ID
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss.
She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”
He replied, without hesitation, “No ma'am, that won't be necessary.”
“How come?” asked the woman.
“Crooks don't buy peat moss,” answered the clerk.
In Too Deep
There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue.A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "open your legs a little wider".
She does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun".
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"
So she finally yells "what are you trying to do get your balls in too?"
He says "no, I'm trying to get them out."
A student received a software ...
A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."
So, he bought a Macintosh.
$20 Hooker
This guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.He says, "How much?"
She says, "Twenty bucks."
He says, "All right."
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker. They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says, "What the extra five?"
He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."
