The best jokes (16561 to 16575)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16561 to 16575. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Any recommendation to sleep wi...
Any recommendation to sleep with a midget just doesn't stand up to screw tiny.Cured...
A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.
Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.
A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant?"
The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"
Getting the Children Ready
During the cold winter a family was preparing to go out for an evening activity. The wife, who was normally bustling about getting the children ready to leave, was this evening instead standing right inside the front door, her arms full of coats.
And instead of being prepared to leave, her four small children were busy running circles around her playing one of their non-stop games of tag.
Her husband, coming down the stairs, was shocked at the spectacle.
“Honey,” he said, “What are you doing just standing there? We'll be late!”
“Here,” his wife replied, handing him the coats with a smug smile, “I thought that this time you would like to have the privilege of putting the children into their coats, while I go and honk the horn.”
Bill Gates And God
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker.The supreme deity turned to Al and said, "Tell me what is important about yourself."
Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important.
God looked to Al and said, "I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand."
God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most.
Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important.
God responded, "I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand."
God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly, and asked, "What is your problem Bill Gates?"
Bill responded, "I think you are sitting in my chair."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
“I had a novel idea f...
“I had a novel idea for a new book but got in a bind so I shelved it. It's time to start a new chapter now.”
Tell Me About Your Circuit Breaker
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes five sessions.
Cooking class...
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Now don't forget to use wooden spoons."
As I stirred my sauce, I contempleted the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked.
"Because, she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'd go nuts!"
Rory Scovel: Strip Club
Some friends wanted to go to a strip club. I said, No thanks, its not for me; I dont really enjoy doing it. They said, Well at this strip club you can touch the girls while they dance on you. And I said, Then lets go do that. Jack & Leroy
Jack and Leroy were talking one day in the company lunch room. Leroy confessed that he had recently been having trouble with his woman. Leroy said they just didn't have that "spark" anymore, and sex was practically non existent. He asked Jack, who was his best friend, if Jack and his wife ever seemed to have that problem. Jack said, "Leory, my friend, whenever my wife and I get into a slump, I find that it's romance, man, romance. Candy, flowers and poetry that does the trick."Leroy said "Romance, that romance shit don't work for black folks and poetry?!?? Man, I can't be saying off no poetry, that shit is for faggots."
Jack disagreed and stressed how romance spiced up his sex life with his wife. Leroy said " OK, bro, I'll give it try. What should I do?"
Jack said, "You go to the flower shop, pick up some beautiful flowers. Stop and get a big box of chocolates, and then, when you walk through the door, you make up a poem You need to say something about their how beautiful they are, and explain to them the way you want to make love to them."
Leroy says "Give me an example."
Jack thinks a moment and says, "Well, here's one that worked really well for me: "Beautiful blond hair, eyes like a dove Come here my darling, let's make sweet love."
Leroy says "OK, that sounds easy, I'll give it a try."
The next day, as Jack walks into the company lunch room, he sees Leroy. Leroy's head is swollen and covered with bruises. Jack rushes over and says "What happened to you?"
Leroy replies "I tried your fucking romance bullshit, that's what happened!" "What did you do? "Took your advice, went, got some flowers, stopped and got some candy, walked in the door and recited some poetry."
"And it didn't work?"
"Hell, no it didn't work... look at me. She beat the shit outta me."
Jack says "I just don't understand...Let's hear your poem."
Leroy replies: "Nappy hair, nappy hair eyes like a frog Bend over, bitch, I wanna fuck you like a dog."
A young married couple has dif
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."
Chuck Norris doesn't look both...
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.Mellowing mother...
I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.
One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last.
She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . .
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
