The best jokes (17356 to 17370)

This garment is made...

“This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene.”

A kid goes to his dad and asks

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, "Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capitalisms. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his diaper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."
"You do? Tell me."
"OK, while capitalisms is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

“The serial killer wa

“The serial killer was cut-throat in his business dealings and that's why he always made a killing.”

 Scary Collection 08

A ghost joke
What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
"I told you I was ill"!

A vampire joke
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
I don't know but it would slow him down!

A witch joke
How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods!

A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal mum say to her son who was chasing a missionary?

''Stop playing with your food''!

A witch joke
What do witches race on?
Vroomsticks!

A Halloween joke
How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween
Wear a snorkel!

A witch joke
What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north!

“Undertakers after a

“Undertakers after a hard day's work are dead tired!”

 Knock Knock Collection 131

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Montana!
Montana who?
Montana your hide if she finds out you ate all of the cookies!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Moose!
Moose who?
Moose you be so nosy!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Morris!
Morris who?
Morris another day!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Morrison!
Morrison who?
Morrison, the more sun tan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mort!
Mort who?
Mort to the point, who are you!

“If paper could sing,

“If paper could sing, would it sing in a quire?”

“I think I've been r

“I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.”

A Blonde woman was standing ne

A Blonde woman was standing near a train platform in New York with a pair of handcuffs and some rope.
A gentleman being curious asked the blonde what the handcuffs and rope were for.
The blonde responded by saying, "The news reported a runaway train heading to New York and I want the reward for the capture."

“An anesthesiologist

“An anesthesiologist is a real knock-out.”

 Lol

Doc, I think I'm a bridge.' 'What's come over you?' 'So far, three cars, a truck and a bus.

Typical Human Resources (HR) Response

'I proposed to my girlfriend last night, who just got promoted to an HR position earlier in the day.'
'That is cool! What did she say?'
She said, 'We will get back to you soon.'

 Knock Knock Collection 098

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivor!
Ivor who?
Ivor good mind not to tell you now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivory!
Ivory who?
Ivory strong like Tarzan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Izzy!
Izzy who?
Izzy come, Izzy go!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jack!
Jack who?
Jackdraft!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jagger!
Jagger who!
Jagger'd edge!

It's a sunny morning in the B...

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first.
It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time -- I haven't made the stupid porridge yet!!"

Repaying a Debt

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her."No problem," the Hodja grinned. "You can pay me later."She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste."Oh no, I can't, I'm fasting," she responded."Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!""Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives.""Forget it!" shouted the Hodja. "If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"