The best jokes (17851 to 17865)

* Police Begin Campaign to Run

* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
* British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
* Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
* Eye Drops off Shelf
* Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
* Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
* Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
* Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
* Stolen Painting Found by Tree
* Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
* Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
* Drunken Drivers Paid $1000
* If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
* Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
* Deer Kill 17,000
* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
* Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
* Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
* Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
* British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
* Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
* New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
* Air Head Fired
* Steals Clock, Faces Time
* Prosecutor Releases Probe into Under-sheriff
* Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
* Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
* Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
* Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
* Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
* Include your Children when Baking Cookies
* Marv Albert Gets Pink Slip
* Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
* Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
* Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
* Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

When I tell the barista they g

When I tell the barista they got my order wrong, I get missed-tea eyed.

Seminary Q&A

Q: Why do monks always wear brown?
A: It's just their habit.

 Knock Knock Christmas

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger... !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull... !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery merry Christmas !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Igloo
Igloo who ?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie... !
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !

Miss Maddox loved collecting c

Miss Maddox loved collecting coins. How do I know? Because I numismatics.

I love straight forward people

I love straight forward people.

A solicitor for the Red Cross

A solicitor for the Red Cross called upon a well-to-do young couple for a donation. Hearing a commotion inside he knocked extra-loudly on the door.
A somewhat disheveled man admitted him in. "What can I do for you?" he growled, clearly upset about something.
"I would like to speak to the master of the house," said the solicitor politely.
"Then you're just in time," barked the young man. "My wife and I are settling that very question right now!"

Q: Why do nursing homes give t

Q: Why do nursing homes give the male patients Viagra?
A: To keep them from rolling out of bed.

Few people understand what it means to really be there for somebody

Few people understand what it means to really be there for somebody. And that’s the toughest part about being on a journey, you realize the main ones that said they will ride with you, are the first ones to fall off. People make promises when the sun is shining and make excuses when the storm comes. That’s why I am always thankful for the rain. It washes away the unnecessary. The reality is, you could be amazing, genuine and sincere but still be overlooked. Having a good thing is so hard because meeting a strong person is so rare. So I’ve learned to understand when people run from me, I realize my kind of love ain’t for everybody.

I want a boyfriend who

I want a boyfriend who:

On a given night, 2 death row

On a given night, 2 death row inmates are scheduled to be electrocuted onold sparky. While one execution is in progress, the pastor administers tothe other condemned man in his cell.
"Don't worry my son", says the pastor, "as soon as the high voltagereaches your brain, it numbs all your senses, so you won't feel a thing."
Suddenly some horrible screams are heard throughout the entire cell block.The pastor immediately ask one of the guard "What is all this screamingabout?"
Not to worry pastor, we had a power failure, so we're finishing the firstexecution "by candles".

Pain makes you stronger

Pain makes you stronger.

Mrs. Cohn went to see her doct

Mrs. Cohn went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
Said he: "Get undressed, Mrs. Cohn, and lie down on the examining table."
She did, whereupon the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her "private parts."
After a couple of minutes he asked: "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "But the discharge is from my ear."

 Answering Machine Message 189

This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.

I got demoted to working in a

I got demoted to working in a coal mine, which has put me in an un tannable situation.