The best jokes (18391 to 18405)

If you live beneath a sewer, y

If you live beneath a sewer, you are destined for grateness.

What are pigeon dictatorships

What are pigeon dictatorships most susceptible to?

 Chemistry Song 14

We Three Students Of Chemistry Are
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.

 Answering Machine Message 76

French monologue in the background: Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".

“They say that Himala

“They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt.”

“The hen passed her l

“The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago.”

 Dog Jokes 05

Q: Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats can't drive!

Q: What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?
A: A mutt in a rut!

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?
A: A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!

Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?
A: A jolly collie!

Q: What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
A: A dingo-ling!

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!

Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
A: Any kind of bloodhound!

Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A: A bud hound!

My friend William moved to Ire

My friend William moved to Ireland, and now he's a Billy in Eire.

A neighbor is talking to his f

A neighbor is talking to his friend who is cutting his grass in a three piece suit, white shirt, tie and dress shoes.
"Why are you dress like this cutting your grass?" the neighbor asked.
His friend replies, "It's a trade off. The boss gives us 'Casual Friday' if we dress up on the weekend."

Complimentary soft drink

“Serving yourself a complimentary soft drink is a way to get emotional support.”

“If your computer doe

“If your computer doesn't work, I might have some Bits and PCs that could help.”

Big Mouth!

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said."That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham.""Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"

“The workers at the l

“The workers at the lumber mill went on strike, putting plywood production into suspended lamination.”

“I did not know how t

“I did not know how to use the wood-smoothing tool, so had the woodworker explain it to me in plane language.”

 Chinese Plane Crash

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China's best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft.
The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.
After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China's Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government.
Reprinted from the Taiwan Daily Gazette