The best jokes (3406 to 3420)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 3406 to 3420. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
She Changed Her Name
She wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them.
So she changed her name to JKM345.
Countdown to Friday: 7 Fresh Jokes to Lighten Your Week
A woman walks into her bathroom to see her husband sucking in his stomach.
"You know that won't help you lose weight," she says.
"I know that," says the husband.
"But it will help me see the numbers."
A pianist goes into a bar that he wasn't there for 3 years
The pianist goes to the piano and starts to play: do re mi fa sol la do re mi fa sol la do re mi fa sol la...
just like that for an hour,
after he finishes, the bartender asks him:
what the heck did you play us now?
The pianist said:
"long time no si"
What begins with E and ends in E but only has one letter?
Envelope.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.noziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
In my job interview I was asked what some of my good qualities were...
Well my doctor always calls me patient.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Waitress: How did you find your steak Sir?
I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.
DNA Test Results
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Enter a Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process. She told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N.... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
Like an olympic sprinter
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”
The third woman was silent until she was asked, “Tell us about your husband.”
She thought for a moment and said, “My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”
“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”
The Pope and the President...
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, and discouraged, and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
Old flame...
A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame.
"Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"
Park Bench
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."
A Letter Addressed to God
A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?" The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300.A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: "Next time would you send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200."
Once there was a golfer whose...
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay.He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot.
Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived.
One dazed ant said to the other, "What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on that ball!"
Words to live by
Notice! Take lettuce from the top of the stack,or heads will roll!Well, if Jerry Springer isn't educational TV,why does it make me feel so much smarter?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothingrubs it in like a computer.
I tried to get in touch with my inner child,but he isn't allowed to talk to strangers.
I have to take my paycheck to the bank.It's too little to go by itself.
I must be following my diet too closely.I keep gaining on it.
Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline.If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours,please remain on the line.
Whenever I'm in a mood to watch the world go by,I just keep to the posted speed limit.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes,why do we still have monkeys and apes?
One night a teenage girl broug...
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
