The best jokes (4936 to 4950)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 4936 to 4950. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Who Gets What?
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, little Morris answered, "A good lawyer."
New Skunk Band
Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?
They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"!
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILD...
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Really funny jokes-Auditors
"The auditors have just left, sir.""Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
Very funny jokes-Theft is same store
The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.
Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"
Final arrangements
A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She wrote her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindgales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi said. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"That way, I know my daughters will visit me at least twice a week."
Child Custody
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Scavenger hunt...
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list.
"Lady," Johnny explained, "we are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
A new way to diet...
Tammy and Ann were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then ?" said Ann.
"Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first."
The bank robbers arrived just
The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter.One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards.
"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a stick-up,... not an office party!"
Tell The Whole Truth
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense."You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
Being Alone
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said it is quite cold out here can I come in? the man shouted NO why dont you all understand I want to be alone! and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said,
What did you do that for?
