The best jokes (5266 to 5280)

Baby Maybe

Saleswoman: "When this baby doll is put to bed, it goes to sleep just like a real baby."
Mrs. Williams: "Whoever made it didn't know much about real babies."

GPT chatbot never feels blue on Mondays

Why did the GPT chatbot never feel blue on Mondays?

Because it always started the week with a byte of humor and a gigglebit of fun!

After a hard day's work,

Pregnant for Two Years

"Mary, if you were a four legged animal and you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"
"I don't know," said Mary, "but whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."

Photographic Memory

Everyone has a photographic memory...
Some just still keep it on film...
And they never develop it.

The talking cockatiel

His Favorite Is Luke Skywalker

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of his favorite Star Wars character.
You should've seen the Luke on his face!

Nice Decorum

What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins.

Nice Shoes

People who say I'm pretentious need to walk a mile in my Louis Vuitton's.

New 2023 Thanksgiving jokes

What kind of dessert sticks to the wall?
Pie-der Man!

What do you call roasted vegetables that run from the kitchen to the table?
Hustle Sprouts!

Need more Thanksgiving jokes? We have huge Thanksgiving jokes collection

If the Mayflower brought the Pilgrims, what brought their dogs?
The Collie-flower!

What do you call the ghost of a turkey?
A poultry-geist!

Why are turkeys always grumbling?
They’re in a fowl mood!

Has this meat juice been listening to Joe Rogan?
It’s so baste!

How did the turkey get to Thanksgiving?
He rode the gravy train!

Why did the turkey’s dad make him eat nothing but stale bread?
To stuffin’ him up!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
He was trying to convince people he was a chicken!

These used to be plain old cranberries. Now, they’re a flying sauce-er!
(throw cranberry sauce across the room)

Boy I'm Glad To See You

A hunter lost his bearings and wandered around the forest in a daze. Suddenly, he spotted another man. Dropping his rifle, he threw his arms around the other's neck and screamed, "Boy am I glad to see you! I've been lost in these woods for three days!"
"Restrain yourself," cautioned the other sadly, "I've been lost here for a week."

Fractured Dictionary, Part II

Baloney \\ba-lo’-ne\\: Where some hemlines fall.
Banquet \\bang’-kwit\\: Why the vocalist had no instrumentalists.
Bernadette \\burn’-a-det\\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Boomerang \\boo’-me-rang\\: What’s on top of the Ghost Cream Pie.

What's the Fly Doing?

Customer: "Waiter, waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter leans forward to get a better look.
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke, sir.”

Wifi Password

Johnny’s Father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right?
T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M

That's Impossible

Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!
Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.