The best jokes (7396 to 7410)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 7396 to 7410. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Female Hormones
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
Looking to buy a frog? #joke #humor
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
Arizona
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN:
- You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't
remember the name of the incumbent.
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the
Salt River.
- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
- You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over
100 degrees.
- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
- You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your
car.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use
your fireplace.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.
- You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
- Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
- You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San
Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and
Tlaquepaque".
- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person
is moving on the streets.
- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout
counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just
to go to Circle K.
- Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools
will actually buy them.
- Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter
than the air inside.
- No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
- You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."
Who did it?
The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.
The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, and if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the Regional Head of Education and relates the whole story.
After listening, he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the darn wall!"
For years he thought he was damn good in bed,
till he found outhis girlfriend had asthma !
A man was traveling by bus
Minding his own business, wen a gorgeouswoman, sitting next to him started to breast feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,
"Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it 2 this nice man here"
5 mins later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said,
"Cum on, honey. Take it or I'll give it 2 this nice man here"
A few min later the anxious man blurted out,
"Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!
Greg Fitzsimmons: Orange Alert at the Airport
They make that announcement, If you notice anything unusual, please immediately report it to airport security. So, I grab the guy, I go, Yeah, I just saw somebody pay $11 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks. And right around the corner, theyre selling luggage inside the airport. Im going to do another lap. Ill let you know if I see anything.
A woman goes into a dentist�...
A woman goes into a dentist's office, and after her examination, the dentist says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.Horrified, the woman replies, Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.
To which the dentist replies, Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.
I Own The Fastest Car
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!
The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.
Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!
WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"
A mother took her little boy t
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."
Two guys were out walking home
Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon."Man," the first guy said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's panties off!"
"What's the rush?" his buddy asked.
"The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"
Smell the Coffee...
A grandmother was surprised by her seven-year-old helper early one morning. He had made her coffee! She drank what was probably the worst cup of coffee in her entire life. And when she got to the bottom, to her utter amazement, there were three little green, army men in her cup.
Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson answered, "Grandma, you know how it says on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
