The best jokes (13336 to 13350)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 13336 to 13350. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Jon Reep: Southern Accents
People think youre an idiot. I dont know where they get that idea. But when they hear my accent for the first time, I can tell theyre looking at me and theyre just waiting for me to say something like, What are shoes for?Phone sex
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Paul F. Tompkins: Had to Be There
If something is inherently funny, its relatable after the fact. Anyone who says, You had to be there, should just not have told you the thing in the first place because its not funny.The Single Guy...
Man walks into a supermarket and buys :
1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner
The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly."
A new sofa...
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
Y2K Solution...
Memo:To all employeesSubject:Increased productivity
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or
software applications support.(See below)
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many
sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support :
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over thescreen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Why is the letter B so cool?
Why is the letter B so cool?
Because it’s sitting in the middle of the AC
This joke is around for a while in many versions, but this exact wording is by Reddit user DrumSpace
Fly Doctor, Doctor Fly
In the world of flies, a young fly needed a heart transplant. After being taken to surgery, the fly anesthesiologist put the young fly to sleep.
The fly doctor assistant cut open the young fly’s chest. He then announced to the fly heart doctor, "Your fly is open."
The heart doctor blushed.
Peanut butter puns
I don't think any would stick. I shouldn't be spreading such bad puns and drive everyone nuts. Any one butter than me?
Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I`m not teling you. You might spread it!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? Because she`s nuts!
How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? They spread for the bread.
I told my girlfriend I was breaking up with her because she had peanut butter legs. She asked, "What do you mean?" I said, "Your legs are nice and smooth and easy to spread like peanut butter."
What`s the feepng you get after popshing a peanut? Post nut clarity.
Why are peanuts afraid of going out? They`re afraid of getting a-salted.
When can peanuts laugh? When you crack them up!
What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and Jellyfish
Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? The Shell station!
What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut!
What did applesauce say to peanut butter? You`re Nutty!
Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash
The psychiatrist was interview
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient."You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You do?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
"Now, what are you planning to
"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient."I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."
Biden just did what your dad could...
Biden just did what your dad couldn't.He pulled out before it was too late.
