The best jokes (13801 to 13815)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 13801 to 13815. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
As the coffin was being lowere
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, I've already done the paperwork."
Fish trap
This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.
An Inspector steps out of the bushes, “Ahha!” he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled “Shiiiit!”. The Inspector, who wasn’t expecting such a response said “Settle down, I’m the Fishing Inspector”.
“Thank God for that” said the fisherman, “I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap”.
600 Story Hotel
Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
Not A Single Person Asked
Not a single person asked if I could run fast in my new shoes today...
Being an adult is stupid.
Bless This Car
A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool.On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently."What are you doing?" the priest asks.The pastor looks up. "I'm just dedicating the car to the Lord's service.""Good idea! Be right back!" the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car.The rabbi stares. "What are you doing?" he says."I'm consecrating it with holy water," the priest replies."Great idea!" the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue's toolshed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.
Donate A Kidney
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, it's a good thing...
But if you donate five kidneys, it's a bad thing and they call the police.
A woman was sitting at a bar e...
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
A man and his son were standin...
A man and his son were standing in line at the bank. In front of them was a very large woman. The boy tugged on his father's pant leg and said "My God dad, she's really fat"."Be quiet and don't embarrass me" replied the father.
Then all of a sudden the woman's pager goes off and the boy furiously pulls at his father and says, "DADDY! WATCH OUT! SHE'S BACKING UP!"
