The best jokes (14356 to 14370)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 14356 to 14370. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
i am so good in bed that...
i am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.Buy your grade...
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Risk Of Plane Bombs
A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic.
"Hey, don't worry, it's just every 10000th flight that crashes."
"1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!"
"Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It's much more probable that you go from a crashing to a non-crashing plane than the other way round. So you are already at 1:10000 squared."
What's Gadhafi's f...
What's Gadhafi's favourite word game? Mad Libyas.Learning by example...
Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
Digging for bait
My sister-in-law and nephew Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my mother-in-law's garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.
“No, honey, he won't do for bait,” his mother said. “He's not an earthworm.”
“He's not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”
A couple lived near the ocean ...
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore
95th birthday
“Look at ME!” boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. “Every morning I do 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!”
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, “And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!”
“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”
Source: Good Clean Fun
He asked for a putter, then dr...
He asked for a putter, then drove three hundred yards onto the green. Then he asked for a driver and drove the ball to within two feet of the cup. Then he asked for a niblick and got the ball into the cup. “Now I’m in trouble,” he told the caddie.“Why?”
“I don’t know what club to use to get it out.”
What's that Restaurant?
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that's red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that's the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
My friend said he used to go t...
My friend said he used to go to strip clubs. He has fondle mammaries of that time.New Son-In-Law
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can't stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
Misproununciation?
President Clinton walks into a restaurant and is seated at one of the finest tables. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a short skirt and legs that won't quit comes to his table.
"What would you like, Mr. President?" Clinton looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, and answers, "A quickie."
The waitress stomps off in total disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: "What would you like, Mr. President?" Again Clinton thoroughly checks her out and again answers: "A quickie, please." This time her anger takesover, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A Secret Service agent, sitting at the next table, leans over and whispers, "Um, Mr. President, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE'.
