Redneck quickies 27

Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.

You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.

You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes.

You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.

You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.

You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.

You've ever shoplifted Spam.

You don't understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won't go hungry.

You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.

You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.

You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.

None of your zippers have all their teeth either.

You are driving the car you were conceived in.

You've ever used scissors on food.