Top 10 reasons

1. When speaking fast, you make yourself sound gay.

2. You own half the world's perfume industry and still never use deodorant.

3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frogs' legs.

4. If there's a war, you can surrender really early.

5. You don't have to read subtitles on late night films on Channel 4.

6. You can test your nuclear weapons in other people's countries.

7. You can be ugly and still become a famous star.

8. You can allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street and humiliate your sense of national pride.

9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.

10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

Top 10 reasons for being Italian:

1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.

2. You are unembarrassed to wear fur.

3. No need to worry about tax returns.

4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 AD.

5. You can wear sunglasses inside.

6. Political stability.

7. Flexible working hours.

8. You live near the Pope.

9. You can spend hours braiding your girlfriend's armpit hair.

10. Sicilian murderers run your country.

Top 10 reasons for being Spanish:

1. You have a glorious history of killing South American tribes.

2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.

3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes and Brits.

4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.

5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.

6. Honesty.

7. The only sure way of bedding a woman is for you to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.

8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.

9. Gibraltar.

10. You supported Argentina in the Falklands War.

Top 10 reasons for being Indian:

1. Chicken Madras.

2. Lamb Passanda.

3. Onion Bhaji.

4. Bombay Potato.

5. Chicken Tikka Masala.

6. Rogan Josh.

7. Popadoms.

8. Chicken Dopiaza.

9. Meat Bhuna.

10. Kingfisher Lager.

Top 10 reasons for being American:

1. You can have a woman President - without electing her.

2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.

3. You can call Budweiser beer.

4. You can be a crook/adulterer and still be President.

5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.

6. If you can breathe, you can get a gun.

7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.

8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

9. You can call everyone you've ever met `buddy'.

10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth when you're not at all.

Top 10 reasons for being English:

1. Two World Wars and one World Cup, doo-dah, doo-dah.

2. Warm beer.

3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.

4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.

5. Union Jack underpants.

6. Water shortages are guaranteed every summer.

7. You can live in the past and imagine you're still a world power.

8. You can bathe once a week - whether you need to or not.

9. Ditto - changing underwear.

10. It beats being Welsh or Scottish.

Top 10 reasons for being Welsh:

1. You've got to be joking haven't you?

Top 10 reasons for being Irish:

1. Guinness.

2. You have 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.

3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.

4. Your pubs never close.

5. You can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.

6. No one can ever remember the night before.

7. You kill people you don't agree with.

8. Stew.

9. More Guinness.

10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at three in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

Top 10 reasons for being Australian:

1. You know your great-grandad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted. You get to live in what was Britain's largest 'open prison'.

2. Foster's Lager.

3. You dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.

4. You get to annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.

5. Your tact and sensitivity.

6. Bondi Beach.

7. Other beaches.

8. Your liberated attitude to homosexuals.

9. You get to drink cold lager on the beach.

10. You get to have a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

Top 10 reasons for being a Kiwi:

1. You get to shag chicks that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock.

2. Beer.

3. Rugby.

4.See above.

5. See above.

6. See above.

7. See above.

8. See above.

9. See above.

10. You get to hate everyone else... unless it's their round.