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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 November 2008

When we were dating, my husban...

When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his water bed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our "Ocean Of Motion Love Potion".

Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed "The Dead Sea".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Jewish and Chinese Beginnings

"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people," the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?"

After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well, for one thing, the Jewish people had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years."

#joke #food
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #36 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Wee Johnny asks his teacher: "...

Wee Johnny asks his teacher: "What's an antelope? Is it true that insects run away to get married?"
Mrs C Smith, Assynt Bank, Penicuik

E-mail your joke to letters_en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Baby Planes

A mo...

Baby Planes

A mother and her son were flying JetStar Airlines from Melbourne to Sydney. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because JetStar always pulls out on time, now have your mother explain that to you."

#joke #animal #cat #dog #mother
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (3)

Tech Support: What does it say...

Tech Support: What does it say on the computer? Man: It says, Hit ENTER key when ready. Tech Support: Well? Man: How do I know when it's ready?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Husbands Sneaking Home

While leaving a poker party that lasted much longer than it was supposed to, as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone." "You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s ass, and ask, 'How ’bout a little?' and she pretends to be asleep."
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Liar

A priest was called to the house of an elderly attorney.

"How is the patient?" he asked the doctor.

"I'm afraid he's lying at death's door."

The priest sighed. "Poor soul. Going to meet his maker, and he's still lying."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Why do hipsters have such a hard time with karate?

Why do hipsters have such a hard time with karate?

They cant get past the white belt.

#joke #short #sport #karate
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something “practical” for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?%C “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

“It’s your account, darling,” Mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.”

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for “Name of your former bank.”

#joke #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

One day...

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. However, at the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.

"I can fix that with some Aspirin. I just take some and it'll be better in a second."

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanising!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 August 2008
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

Three doctors die in a car acc...

Three doctors die in a car accident and they are at heavens door.
The gatekeeper asks the doctors, "What did you do that you should merit an entrance?"
The first doctor replies, "I developed a heart valve which saved hundred of lives."
The second doctor replies, "I developed a universal vaccine that wipe out many diseases."
The gatekeeper steps aside and lets the two doctors pass. "Go right in," he says.
The third doctor replies, "I invented the HMO's.
To which the gatekeeper responds, "You can go in, but you can only stay for three days!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 August 2008
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

Missing Thermometer

A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay check. She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to sign her check. To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer. In frustration, she throws her arms up and shouts, "Oh, great! Some asshole has my pen!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.92/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (24)

'Dad,' a teenaged girl says...

"Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father's den, "I'd like to kiss you good-bye before I go to school!"
"You're too late, honey. Your mother just did that two minutes ago, and I don't have any cash left on me."
#joke #short #food #honey #mother #father
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

A vampire bat came flapping in...

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure didn't!"
#joke #animal #bat
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

First the doctor told me the good news

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin (August 14 1945-)

Picture: Rex Features

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

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